Unfortunately I’m suffering from a major flare up of carpal tunnel, and I’m trying to take it easy with the typing this week. So…in order to save my hand and entertain you, I’ve posted a piece I wrote for Purex a couple months ago. I’m guessing many of you can relate. Please share anything I missed in the comments!
Job Description: Chief Household Officer
Location: Home based, frequent local travel required
Seeking a fun-loving, hard-working individual who can master a laundry list—which just so happens to include laundry—of skills and expectations and thrive on little-to-no sleep. This leader will run a team of direct reports (i.e. children and/or spouse/ex-spouse/pets), as well as a vast dotted-line workforce (i.e. pediatrician, teachers, in laws, coaches, babysitters, other part/full-time work, billing departments, alarm clocks, etc.).
Roles and responsibilities include, but are not limited to:
• Turning helpless creatures into respectable citizens
• Kissing—and wiping—faces, noses, butts and feet
• Reading minds, as well as the same board book, all day long
• Remembering preferences, schedules, lunch boxes and a sense of self
• Maintaining a sanitary—and sane—environment
• Ability to juggle many tasks at once and shift gears without warning
• Balancing budgets, grocery bags and bikes/scooters/gymnasts
• Teaching sleep, nutrition, manners, letters, numbers, sports, music, values, interpersonal skills, driving, a sense of humor and common sense
• Partnering, compromising and other funny business with other executive team member
Minimum qualifications:
• None
Preferred qualifications:
• Advanced degrees in education, economics, psychology, medicine, communications and culinary arts
Compensation/benefits include:
• Heart-bursting moments of pride
• Unlimited affection (in the form of hugs, kisses, cuddles and head butts)
• Wide range of laughs, including the coveted belly kind
• Fresh perspective on life
• The good kind of baby smell
No need to apply. The job is all yours, so enjoy it. Really, really enjoy it.
This is SO cute! I love it.
Thanks, my fellow CHO! (Who also knows how wonderfully intriguing we are to the world of marketing.)
I love this post. It’s so spot on and funny!
So glad you enjoyed it!