My mind wasn’t the only thing I lost recently, but it was certainly on the list. At least I think it was. If only I could find the darn thing…
Lesson #1: Sure, clients can be challenging, but nothing I faced this week was as difficult as convincing Pink that her doll didn’t intentionally head butt her and isn’t really, really mean. (Except maybe remembering the order of hide-under-the-slide-then-yell-boo-then-peek-a-boo-then-hug-me choreography at the park.)
Lesson #2: Just when you think you can’t listen to the Frozen soundtrack one more time, a 3rd grade boy in carpool shouts, “I love this song!” and everyone in the packed minivan belts out Do You Want to Build a Snowman? at the top of their lungs, making you fall in love with its magic all over again.
Lesson #3: No matter how grown up Little seems at times, the kindergarten innocence is still alive and well in him. As evidenced by this phonemic awareness lesson…
Lenny (joking with Little who would not stop messing around at the table): “Frickin finish your lunch and start getting ready for your baseball game!”
Big: “Oooh, the f-word!”
Little: “What’s the f-word? Finish?”
Lesson #4: Any parent can be a regular old mystery reader and surprise the third-grade class by, you know, showing up to read on a Friday afternoon. But it takes real talent to add that extra level of suspense by waiting (however accidentally it may be) to show up until mystery reader time is over. I mean those kids have no idea what I was going to read or when I might reschedule. Talk about mystique.
Lesson #5: You know you have organizational issues when your kid runs out the door in the morning reminding you where you need to be after school. (Ok, so maybe Lesson #4 created some trust issues…)
Lesson #6: When you spend hours the morning of your son’s birthday
furiously tearing apart the house (including going through two huge bags of garbage with your bare hands) looking for fake boogers for his brand new game, you kind of wonder if you’re really cut out for this whole mom thing. And you’re pretty sure you’ve hit a new low when, days later, you discover the doll—who must actually be really mean and mischievous after all—was at fault. That b*!ch had been hiding them in her diaper the whole time.
Lesson #7: You can lecture your kid about losing his baseball hat until you turn blue in the face, but the red quickly returns to your cheeks when your husband finds it in the freezer. You know, where you put it to freeze off the gum he got stuck to it at his game—a week ago. (Then again, it’s proof that we went frozen nugget free last week, which I’ll chalk up as a win!)
Lesson #8: If people think I’m crazy cruising around town with my three kids, just wait until they get a load of Pink with the 40 babies she plans to have.
Lesson #10: Leave it to the Easter Bunny to totally overshadow the Tooth Fairy. Both paid our house a visit the same night and only one got a mention bright and early the next morning. Then again, it was the fairy’s second visit that week, so she was kind of old news.
May you find everything you’re looking for this week. Including a bit of peace and quiet.
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