ORIGINALLY POSTED ON YODELINGMAMAS.COM
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Pacifier. The word evokes extremely strong reactions in people. They swear by them. They swear against them. These days I’m swearing at them. And swearing I’ll do things differently next time around.
You see, at my son’s 18-month check up, the pediatrician told us it was time to say goodbye to his pacifiers. No joke, the next day he said “pacie” for the first time. It was like he had some sixth sense that I couldn’t bear to take it away once it had a name. He only used it when he was sleeping anyway…
Soon(ish) after that, I got pregnant and thought it would be cruel to take his pacifiers away right before the baby arrived. After all, the baby would probably have pacifiers of his own, and I didn’t want my older son to resent the little one. Then there was talk of him having surgery. He’d need “pacie” to get through that.
Well, the baby came, the surgery was a success and the 4th birthday party invitations were mailed. Yes, it took us until he was almost 4 to convince ourselves that the time had come to say goodbye.
In our quest to get rid of the pacies by his 4th birthday, my husband and I researched, slowly introduced the idea to him, cringed, prayed and whipped up a chart and a boatload of “incentives”. The day came to take those mangy stubs to the dentist for his prize and he did it with his head held high. We were shocked, proud and relieved.
Then came bedtime. And the first stage of grief: denial. He said he wasn’t going to cry, he’d just laugh. And he did. For hours. He rearranged his toys, took the art off his walls and giggled like mad. Until the poor little guy finally fell asleep for the first time without a pacifier.
It’s been close to a week now and we’ve journeyed through denial, anger—though we seemed to skip bargaining, thank goodness—and we’ve now reached depression. My sweet boy cried about something totally unrelated for an hour yesterday, finally said, “I miss pacie,” then instantly fell asleep in my arms.
Needless to say, it’s been torture. For my husband and me, yes. But far more so for our son. I thought it would be hard. I thought there would be tears at bedtime. But I had no idea that saying goodbye would cause physical withdrawal symptoms and real, honest to goodness grief. I thought the comfort his pacifiers provided him these past few years would make this all ok. But that’s quickly forgotten as we watch him struggle his way towards acceptance.
So right here, right now I swear we’ll do it differently with our 16-month old. I know it won’t be easy, but it can’t be as hard as what we’re dealing with now.
What about you? How have you had success getting rid of the beloved pacie/binky/lovey? Goodness knows I’ll need some advice!
Use Your Words