After being gone for four days, nothing could have warmed my heart more than seeing my three favorite boys standing on the airport steps waiting to take me home. Their eyes lit up, Big’s arms wrapped around me, Little’s sloppy kisses wet my face and the chatter began. They survived. (I knew they would.) And more importantly, I survived. (I didn’t know I would.)
No doubt they missed me. In fact, Big was too distraught to talk to me on the phone while I was away because it made him miss me more. Little slept much later than usual—an obvious sign of his depression (at least that’s how I’m explaining the fact that he wakes up at the crack of dawn when I’m home, but miraculously doesn’t when I’m away).
No doubt I missed them. I hit up every BlogHer booth imaginable for the kid-friendly freebies in anticipation of my return (shameless, I know). And while I somehow didn’t take a picture while with one of my best friends I hadn’t seen in years (which was wonderful!), I did take a picture with Elmo and Mrs. Potato Head (also sort of wonderful).
We fell back into a normal rhythm pretty quickly and spent the day catching up (in other words sifting through my suitcase asking me what I got them). It seemed like both boys had already forgotten I left them.
Until later in the afternoon. Little kept sneaking up, hugging my legs and sweetly cooing, “Mama.” And Big, well, cried. A lot. He cried about nothing in particular. At least nothing he could express. But this is what he does, what he’s always done. He’s on his best behavior the whole time I’m gone and then when I get back he lets his guard down. And breaks down. Last night he cried himself to sleep asking me to just stay with him all night so he’d know I was there. There it was. The most innocent and honest guilt trip. And oh how I wanted to make it up to him by staying right there all night, because there was no place I would have rather been. But I tiptoed out as soon as his eyelids stopped fluttering and his hand went limp in mine. I had things to get done.
So while it’s easy to feel guilty—guilty about going away and leaving my family, guilty about not wanting to—I’m doing my best to just cherish being home again. To enjoy their spontaneous dancing and silly facial expressions. Their loud talking and impressive wrestling moves. Their pure hearts and their love for me. Because that’s why I do it all…even when I’m away.
Sweet story and such sweet boys!! You are such a good mommy to feel guilty! Is it bad that I’m not sure that I would?? :). I guess I won’t know until I try. Oh how I’d love to try…even just one night away! Haha! 🙂
Oh Christina, I have no doubt you’ve earned some time away! I do think it’s good to refresh now and then, but coming home is always my favorite part. This was the longest I’ve been away, so it was a new kind of hard…for all of us!
Oh, boy! Do I ever know those feelings of guilt. If I am away from my boys for any period of time longer than preschool I get the saddest drama from my oldest and tears and neediness from my youngest. It breaks my heart every time. Your boys are so lucky to have a mommy who loves them so much!
Likewise, my friend!
WELCOME back Amy. It’s good to know your boys missed ya. Mine seems to be out of sight, out of mine, the last time I left for NYC.
Thanks, Jenny. I have no doubt your boys missed you…just had a different way of expressing it, I’m sure.
Good for you for getting away. Refreshed (although probably tired) mommy. So good and healthy from time to time. I have a sitter and just went jogging without a double jogger and I feel good…
It’s true, Wendy. I think that time to recharge is so important. Having the chance to miss each other makes us appreciate our time together more.