I’ve never been a fashion maven. I wore Jordache zipper jeans, not Guess. I thought Gap was high fashion until I went to college with L.A. trend setters. And even now I’d choose flip flops over Manolos (did I even spell/say that right?) any day of the week. Don’t get me wrong, I try to buy (reasonably) fashionable clothes and even dress up now and then for work. But, I’m finding that motherhood is working against me. (No, I’m not talking about baby weight or wrinkles. That’s another post.)
Here’s what I mean… The other day, as I was heading out the door, Little got so excited about saying goodbye that when he waved his hands in the air, a pad of butter from his toast landed in the middle of my shirt. Within minutes, Big decided he was extra sad and needed an extra hug which resulted in extra stripes on my solid black pants and sweater. Good look, right?
For me it’s not high-waisted jeans (which may be back in, for all I know) that scream “mom” when I head out into the world. It’s the Aquaphor stains, dried crumb grub, booger streaks, spit-up stains and drool marks. And while I try to wear each of these (and random stickers that show up along the way) as a badge of pride—after all, I certainly do love those cuddles and kisses—I’m pretty sure I’m not pulling it off.
I can’t be the only one who feels this way, so why hasn’t some designer solved these problems? Here’s are some things I think are “musts” for a mom’s wardrobe.
1) Danger zone coverage- There’s nothing like the marks left behind after holding my sweet little guy on my hip and having him rub his face all over my shoulder. Considering how uptight I am (and my kids are—surprise, surprise) about wiping faces, I can only imagine that other moms have it far worse. The solve? Removable (external) shoulder pads made of absorbent, diaper-cloth-like material. (Come to think of it, a removable butt pad might be nice too for sitting on wet grass and dirty slides…)
2) Underwear anchor- Uppies, downies, shoe-tie squat, sandbox sit—these everyday maneuvers combined with low(ish)-rise pants make me look more like a plumber than a mom. The solve? Underwear that snap into place and move right along with you.
3) Sporty heels- No matter how my day begins, it almost always ends with baseball/soccer/football on the front lawn. How great would it be if I could hop out of the car after work, flick a switch and have my sleek boots turn into sporty cleats? There’s already one spike to begin with, how hard could it be to add a few more?
4) Slimming workout clothes- Sure, you may spot me wearing yoga pants and running shoes, but I
can’t won’t tell you the last time I actually needed either one. The least these sporty companies could do is partner with Spanx to make it look more like I actually exercise. (I know, I know, I really should…yadda, yadda, yadda…)
5) Clean jeans- Who needs five pockets when you’ve got a 30-pound diaper bag? One pocket should be a refillable Kleenex/wipe slot, so you always have one handy. (Kinda like kids always seem to have a finger or sleeve handy.)
6) Pre-outing pancho- Most of the time when I’m heading out, I wait until I’m leaving to throw on my “nice” shirt. Still, there are few days I make it into the car streak free. I’m thinking a variation on the Snuggie might be the solve. Same coverage, just a bit less material.
I know, a mom can dream. But until my dreams come true, I’ll turn to my inspired friends like J. Crew and J.J. (who gives truly wonderful/practical mom fashion tips at Unfrump My Mom). And I promise to ignore your snot stains if you’ll ignore mine.
So, moms, any fashion tips or wardrobe wishes you’d like to share? Pretty (yes, pun intended) please!