Hot tubs, unpasteurized cheese, caffeine, alcohol…these are just a few of the things women are supposed to avoid during pregnancy. Hot tubs are no problem for me. Not a fan. And I’ve discovered most brie is actually pasteurized, so I’m good on that front. Coffee, well, if you’re one of those people giving me the evil eye at Starbucks when I have a cup now and then, come on over tomorrow around 5:15am when Little wakes up for the day—and then refuses to nap. Alcohol? Well, I’m not advocating it, but our friends in Europe say women who drink a glass of wine a week during pregnancy are 30% less likely to have children with social or emotional difficulties. And who am I to argue with science?
As I enter my 3rd trimester (eek!), I’m finding that there are a few things that seem to have been conveniently left of the list. So I’ve created my own.
Things I should NOT be allowed to do while pregnant:
#1- Schedule things.
#2- Be expected to remember that I scheduled something.
#3- Be in possession of important paperwork. (My apologies to the receptionist at our pediatrician’s office, the mean lady at kindergarten registration and my uber-organized husband.)
#4- Be in possession of beverages—caffeinated or otherwise. (My apologies and thanks to the friendly Starbucks baristas who have had to clean up after me and to all the people at work who have seen my obsession with carbonated water…all over me.)
#5- Put on my own boots. (Or take off my own wedding ring.)
#6- Ask my kid what my team mascot should be during a game of garage soccer. (Thank you, my sweet Little, for not just going with the usual response, “lion”, but examining me and saying, “Umm, cow. You be the mama cow.”)
#7- Carry any plate or platter of food. (That’s right, not only have I been dropping the ball figuratively, I dropped my meatballs literally—among many other things. Honestly, I would just eat off the ground for the rest of my pregnancy if it weren’t so hard to get down there.)
#8- Eating without a bib. (My shirts tend to look like a menu of meals past. Thinking there might be an idea here for a line of maternity clothing…)
#9- Doing anything in any place 50 feet or further from a restroom.
#10- Count to 10.
What would be on your list?