Recently, while watching The Sound of Music, I found myself crying. No, not because the Nazi soldiers were threatening the von Trapp family, or because Maria was torn between two worlds, but because I realized lately I’ve been parenting a lot more like the grouchy Captain than the playful Fraulein.
I’ve seen the movie so many times I’ve lost count. But this time I saw it through a new pair of eyes: my bloodshot parenting ones. (Ah, how I long for the days when the beautiful and naive Liesl was the one I related to!) As I sat there watching, it seemed so obvious that Maria had a natural way with kids and the Captain was insane. She listened to the kids—and helped them find good solutions. She believed they would do the right thing—gaining their trust in return. She taught them to use their energy in creative and fun ways—leading to a lot of laughter and fewer tears. She loved them unconditionally—and it was obvious that they loved her right back…effortlessly. The Captain, on the other hand, was hard to please, threatening and uptight. No fun at all. (At least before Maria got her hands on him—figuratively and literally, of course.)
I don’t use a whistle (as tempting as that may be), but I have found myself with a sore throat more than once thanks to letting my short patience and yelling getting the best of me. And, it turns out, sleeping about 5 hours a night (total, not consecutively) doesn’t help things.
I know things around here have to change and it’s going to have to start with me. Here are a few of the ways I plan to shape up—and by shape up I mean loosen up.
Ask myself, “What would Fraulein Maria do?”
Listen. Sing. Dance. Hug. I may not have her pipes, but I can do the other things just as well. I’m pretty sure, at least. We haven’t been having nearly enough dance parties around here lately.
Focus on my kids’ positive behaviors instead of harping on the not-so-positive ones.
One of our biggest issues is Big constantly telling everyone around him that they’re wrong or doing something wrong. Hmm, wonder where he got that? Well, my friends Amy at TeachMama (a wonderful blog about incorporating teaching moments into everyday life) and Cristie at The Traveling Circus and The Right Hand Mom (who might just be my long-lost sister) have had great success with Gem Jars. Big and I are hitting the craft store today and I’m going to start rewarding the boys as I catch them doing good things. And, yes, at first I’m sure I’ll have to remove gems to help drive the point home, but hopefully we’ll all find ourselves focusing more on the positive. (More to come on this if it’s a success…which I’m sure it will be. See? Already thinking more positively!)
Spend time fueling the boys’ confidence and passions.
Like cooking. We’ve already started having Big pick one recipe a week to shop for and make with us. He loves it! And yesterday he read Little Runaway Bunny almost completely on his own. Looks like we’ll be hitting the library more. Now, I just have to figure out what will ignite Little’s passions. Besides bad guys…
What about you? Do you have strategies for keeping things positive in your house? If so, please share. I’ll incorporate everything I can!
Here’s to hoping you and your little ones are laughing and loving every day. And remember, when life hands you ugly curtains, make play clothes.
Amy – can I please put my order in for the t-shirt that says “WWFMD” in the front and “When life hands you ugly curtains, make play clothes.” on the back?!?!?! SERIOUSLY!!!! I’m in! 🙂
And I know you’re that dance party family – but having a jam session with instruments is equally satisfying and gets the “loud” out AND the need for hitting things (e.g., drums) out simultaneously!!! I also think impromptu bathtime is another way to diffuse situations… that is, if your kiddos like playing in the bath.
Matt’s favorite is to be strict about “no smiling.” If we’ve got a grumpy kid, matt immediately announces that since they’ve decided to be grumpy, then they’re not allowed to smile… then he strictly polices the pout… I’m sure you can guess where that goes!
you’re wonderful and marvelous, lady!!! and in a world of crazy, you’re just trying to make some order – I get that. Perhaps we just need to embrace the straight jacket and waive our looney flags proudly, too :)! xoxo
**and I’m TOTALLY serious about the shirt, btw… 🙂
The shirt is on. And it sounds like we use a lot of the same outlets. We’re big on instruments, early baths (separately!) and no smiling/kisses…it’s just remembering sometimes. Thanks for the fun reminders!
Just remember Maria did not birth all those babies and she was getting paid to keep them out of the Baron’s hair. Also, they only woke her up when it stormed. I wonder how much they loved her when they got to safety and she declared they all had to eat gruel and have cold baths with scratchy towels? Maybe the question should be WWFMDO4HOS?
Hilarious…and so true. Thanks for the comic relief, Catherine!
I want a shirt too! I’m not sure I said this in any of my posts, but a HUGE part of our gem jar success was the “Meeting” that we had where the kids generated the behaviors that would earn gems and then a second list of all the things they’d earn when they filled them. That was an eye opener for me because a lot of the “prizes” were time with me or dad. Eek-that’s a prize? I definitely need a little more fraulein in me.
Good luck!
Thanks, Cristie. We got the goods and I tried to have that “meeting”, but the kids aren’t totally grasping the concept yet. (Big keeps telling Little to tell me to give him gems since he knows he can’t ask for them…) I’ll give it another try tomorrow and we’re diving in this weekend. Fingers crossed!
I love this post and not just because I’m crazy for musicals. I’m going to link to it in my post today if that’s OK. I am too distracted to blog today so I’m sending people to blogs like yours that say what I wish I could.
Wow, Christine. I’m honored. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Amy, I love your posts and your down to earth attitude! You are so relatable and so are your struggles at home. Thank you for being so honest and open about your life.
You are gorgeous and succesful and witty and loving, but instead of making us feel jealous you are approachable, inviting and someone we want to be friends with! I love your blog!
Can you tell me more about gem jars and the meeting?
Thanks,
Sarah
Wow, Sarah. Thank you so very much for taking the time to write this and make my day! Sometimes I’m not sure my family loves my honesty, so it’s good to know it’s appreciated elsewhere.
As for the gem jars, I’ll share the details either this week or next…I want to really give it a go so I have my own insights to add. In the meantime, the links to Amy’s post and Cristie’s post are in the body of this post so you can see how they did it.
Thanks again for your kindness and reading along!
Sound of Music is one of my favorite movies ever. I wanted to BE Maria when I grew up. Then I married a man with 6 kids 😛 Still can’t sing…
I STILL want to be Maria when I grow up!