Boys will be boys.
It’s a phrase you can’t help but hear all the time as a mom of young kids. It’s used when laughing about mud-covered faces. It’s said to explain away a surprisingly loud crash in the playroom. But lately I find it’s uttered all too often to excuse mean, aggressive behavior.
For instance, the other day I took my kids to our local baby pool. Two young boys were grabbing my kids’ diving toys and taunting them. Really taunting them. Rather than reprimanding her boys, the mother gave me a knowing look and shrugged as if to say, “You have boys, you understand.” And I do.
I love being a mom of boys. But boys get feisty. (I’ve got a (more) crooked nose and Lenny’s got the chipped tooth to prove it.) And moms get tired. (I’ve got the dark circles to prove it.) But as parents, I think it’s up to us to channel that boyish energy into positive outlets. It’s our job to take these excitable little boys and raise them into respectable—and respectful—young men. Because, let’s face it, while a bad boy is intriguing, a good guy is who we want our daughters to marry and our grandkids (gulp!) to look up to.
So because boys will be men, I promise I will do everything I can to teach my sons:
• Trust is like the greatest of all Magna-Tile towers. It takes time and effort to build, but mere seconds to destroy.
• Superheroes don’t get their power from their muscles alone, but from their intentions.
• There are few things as rewarding as a sense of humor when it’s used to laugh with people, not at them.
• It takes hard work to be a great player, but harder work to be a team player.
• Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
• When chosen carefully, words can be far more powerful than fists, sticks and, yes, even light sabers.
• Get your hands dirty and your dishes/clothes/rooms clean.
• Use curiosity to get into things and creativity to get out of them. (Yep, just like George.)
• Princesses don’t need a prince to save them, but to dance with them.
No doubt my boys will break a few valuables, bones and maybe even hearts along the way. But if I can help it—and I believe I can—it won’t be because they didn’t know better.
What values do you want to be sure you instill in your kids?
Asa says
July 27, 2011 at 6:42 amThis is great Amy! Good for you!
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 12:06 pmNo doubt you’re much the same way, my friend!
OpinionsToGo says
July 27, 2011 at 7:10 amI love this post …I have a daughter and 3 sons…all very much grown! Your list is so well thought out;
with you head as well as your heart.
I would just like to say that your husband, as a role model, is paramount to them in terms of how he treats
the women in his life and his work ethic is something they will aspire to.
One more thing…having that beautiful baby sister is going to be so important in their nurturing and being
protective of others.
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 12:07 pmI couldn’t agree more that they learn so much from their dads. I’m so fortunate that my husband loves to play with them and is also a great example around the house (yep, he does the dishes!). I’m sure you’ve raised wonderful boys given your positive outlook and kind spirit!
Jodie Hoffman says
July 27, 2011 at 10:23 amwell said, Amy! Although I often feel like I’m constantly trying to “guide” my little guys and have post-situation heart-to-hearts with them… I’m just hoping that they’ll remember my words when I’m not around…. xoxo
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 12:08 pmOh gosh, “guiding” isn’t always easy, is it? But goodness knows we can try!
Amy Nelson says
July 27, 2011 at 10:46 amLove this post! I may go as far to say that I find a lot of parents too relaxed with their discipline with boys and girls. Whether it is the excuse of boys will be boys for aggressive behavior or girls will be girls with their bossy, sassy and caddy behavior. I love how someone mentioned above that your husband is a great role model for your boys-so true! As moms are to their daughters. I personally hope that I have guided my children well enough to where I know I can send them to school or a friends house and they will use the tools I have taught and modeled for them to be on their best behavior and treat others fairly and kindly. This is a hard task and not every child is perfect. But this is a job as a parent. Wow, sorry to go on but I feel so strongly about this.
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 12:10 pmAmy, it’s so true. There are no perfect kids because because there are no perfect parents. But if we don’t try to teach our kids, how will they learn? I can only imagine what I have in store with a little girl! Your kids couldn’t have better examples. You and Brian are such generous, fun, thoughtful people and your kids are too!
Portia says
July 27, 2011 at 11:11 amThis has been a topic of conversation between my little guy and me lately. He is getting ready to re-enter public school after being homeschooled for a year. Big, huge adjustment to all of our lives. So I felt the need to prepare him for that “boys will be boys” behavior you speak of. We are all aware that some children (sweet little girls included) may act up when parents are not around but I am noticing more and more that they are acting up even with the parents present and the bad behavior is not corrected. What is going on?? Is in not pc to reprimand your children in public, am I too much “Captain”, or has good behavior gone out of style?!
A few of my values that I hope to goodness stick
Respect is given, not earned
What you put out into the world expect to get back
Equality, we ALL deserve to live our most fabulous life 🙂
PATIENCE (still a work in progress) 🙂
Have a wonderful day!
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 12:11 pmGreat values you’re teaching your son, Portia. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts…I couldn’t agree more.
Melinda says
July 27, 2011 at 4:05 pmNow if only the Mom at the pool reads your post…
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 7:45 pmFunny, I’m hoping she won’t! Who knows what her response would be.
XLMIC says
July 27, 2011 at 8:53 pmSome parents slack. Yes, boys (and some girls) will be rambunctious… but those boys were being MEAN. Unacceptable. Were it my sons (I have 2), I would have leveled one warning and a second incident would have been our walking papers. Yes, we get tired… I have 4 kids between 11 and 2 and I am 48 years old. That does not excuse us from parenting our children in a way that minimizes their negative impact on those around them. My kids misbehave (all the time :P) and they are called on it whenever I see or hear it or about it. Sorry that happened to your boys 🙁 My problem is I would have called her on it right then and there, creating a most awkward situation. And then I probably wouldn’t ever have felt comfortable going to the pool again 😛
Amy, Using Our Words says
July 27, 2011 at 9:25 pmOf course all parents and kids have their good and bad days. We certainly do! I should have said something to the mom, but I’m a chicken…instead I figured it would be a great blog topic. 🙂 (One that had been on my mind given other similar situations we’ve encountered.) I did also ask the kids to return the toys and they panicked and threw them back. Hopefully next time we see them it will be on a “good day”…for all of us!
Lucinda says
November 2, 2011 at 3:29 pmFabulous. We focus so much on teaching our girls empowerment and positive body image and and and…but sometimes we forget to talk about teaching our boys respect and what strength and courage truly mean and fighting the good fight not because you can but because you should. Thank you for sharing this.
Amy, Using Our Words says
November 6, 2011 at 10:54 pmThanks so much, Lucinda. I couldn’t agree more that moms of boys have just as much work ahead as moms of girls. So glad you could connect and relate!