Oh Santa. You sit in that awkward chair all season awaiting screaming maniacs and grabby hands, only to smile every. single. time. your grumpy little elves tell you to say ‘candy cane’. Then you rush back to the North Pole to work your magic and leave toys behind so that all those traumatized children will finally smile and like you again. It’s not an easy job. But you do it with style. In fact, we should probably write you a thank you note. But instead we have a few different kinds of letters first.
EPISODE 1– Big Hopes
[This took almost a week to finish and, though Big still has a bunch he wants that’s not on the list, he knows that Santa knows that, and he’ll bring him the right stuff anyway.]
I am 5. I am in grade K. Today I made my sister laugh. Here is my Christmas list. I want some key chains lik UCLA and [drawing of what’s supposed to be a 49er logo]. And football card binder. School kit. NFL viteo game. Leapstr game.
EPISODE 2– Rock On With Your Bad Self
[This took about three minutes to write and if you ask him now, he has no idea what he asked Santa for.]
Thank you for the wor… [this is where he realized he was talking to Santa, not Jesus, so maybe the school lunchtime prayer wasn’t necessary after all]
I want to say that someone was being naughty and someone was being nice. Check mark! We were being nice and Pink was the naughty one. She hitted. She only gets one present.
I want a chopper and bad guys. A chopper is an outer space rocket ship.
Pink wants a dancing doll. She wants Christmas to start so she can have a baby doll.
You are the
best coolest man ever and your elves are so cool.
Me [Why should I tell him my name when he’s always watching and knows that I’m writing this?]
EPISODE 3- Pretty Please
[I also have a bunch of stuff that I want that’s not on this list.]
I think we both know that the whole naughty and nice thing isn’t as black and white as it sounds. So why don’t we focus on the positive? I said please and thank you, did what the doctor told me to, avoided being superficial, hardly ever complained about doing chores and even made some creative lunches. (It’s not that I can’t think of more, I just want to be sure you know that I’m humble as well.)
Believe me, I know you’re busy, so I have just a couple small requests this Christmas. Please, please, please (see how polite I am?) let my kids sleep until 6am—6:30am if you’re feeling really generous. And if that’s asking the impossible (which I’m pretty sure it is), please let me wake up with childlike wonder (note: leaving a double latte at my bedside might help with this). And while you’re at it, I’d love it if you could throw a little Christmas spirit my way. Preferably one with a lime garnish. Feel free to skip my stocking, but if you could fill the house with laughter, that would be Christmas gold (though if you insist on doing my stocking as well, go ahead and ditch the tangerine…just throw an extra piece of chocolate in there instead).
I, too, think you’re the coolest man ever—and that Mrs. Claus is one hard-working hottie.
What are you and your family wishing for this year?