10 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 56

I’d love to write more, but as about 40 of my Facebook friends have so kindly reminded me, Mad Men is back tonight. (Play it cool, play it cool…YYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!! Hmm, I’m so not cool.)

Lesson #1: That gross little piece of plastic hanging from kids’ mouths everywhere is called a pacifier for a reason.

Lesson #2: When you’ve introduced the Pacie Fairy to your child, don’t be surprised if the sneaky wench becomes your kid’s new fall guy. If she can cut up his beloved pacies, she sure as heck can unbutton duvet covers and steal rain boots too.

Lesson #3: While I’m glad Little has found replacement comfort objects to carry around with him, I really would have preferred a classic blankie or stuffed animal to his Star Wars figures with the light sabers and guns. (And I’m guessing his classmates’ parents would agree.)

Lesson #4: I’m actually looking forward to playing Barbie with Pink because, as far as I remember, Barbie doesn’t spend the whole time trying to eat and fight you like Little’s “guys” and animals do.

Lesson #5: When the preschool teacher catches a kid moments from setting the classroom on fire and says, “Qu’est-ce que tu fais?”, you can’t help but think maybe French is the answer to your own anger management patience issues. It’s just so damn civilized.

Lesson #6: Being the most unorganized person on earth is no easy task.

Lesson #7: When you’re out to dinner with the girls (or in, really, because you can’t seem to get it together to go out, so they have to come to you), and the only uber-cool brand that comes to mind to use in conversation is Tide, it’s time to start reading Us Weekly again.

Lesson #8: Wone of the gretest thengs abote kindagardin is enventd speling.

Lesson #9: 1 walk in the rain with 2 little boys equals 13 saved worms, 1 not-so-saved caterpillar and 1 pet snail (a rescue with an overactive digestive system, of course) named Anke.

Lesson #10: When your entire family has totally nailed a trick, it’s like the Christmas Card Fairy (the Pacie Fairy’s good sister) has waved her magic wand your direction. I’m not going to give it away entirely, but let’s just say this year’s greeting may or may not involve fingers in noses followed by fingers in mouths. (I’m thinking of a green color palette.)

Off to go watch a show that will make me feel like Mom (and Wife) of the Year. (Let’s face it, that’s part of why we all love it, right? Well, that and the day drinking…but if that’s all it was, I’d just get back into advertising.) Au revoir. Bon nuit. Mad hommes rochers!