10 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 61

There have been laughs, band-aids, car repairs, parties, photos, boogies (both the dancing and the nasal kind) and more to keep us busy this week. In fact, I think I need another weekend to recover. (Or maybe something stronger.)

Lesson #1: All of my kids have learned to clear the table when they’re done eating. The boys are old-fashioned and take their plates to the sink. Pink is all about efficiency and just goes at the table with a windshield-wiper-like arm. Voilà.

Lesson #2: Learning about bug reproduction in kindergarten leads to some alarmingly dangerous discussions.

Lesson #3: When your “sick” kid asks if he would be out of school yet and suddenly feels better when the answer is yes, you can consider your suspicion that he was faking confirmed.

Lesson #4: Now that Big is six, he’s suddenly a bit more self aware. Tonight he finally asked the question Lenny and I have been asking for ages, “How can I be so good at eating and so bad at listening?”

Lesson #5: When your kid uses his middle finger as a pointer, people around town think you’ve raised a real monster when he shouts, “Hey mom!” and points at something in the sky.

Lesson #6: There’s an unspoken rule among boys that when you pee, you’re supposed to look anywhere but your target.

Lesson #7: Sorry to get all bragadocious on you, but Little can chalk up some rather impressive stats—in no time. He’s scored a scraped up face, a dislocated elbow, a scraped up back, a forehead goose egg and a scraped up knee. And that was just Wednesday through Saturday.

Lesson #8: When your 3-year old decides to ditch his training wheels, you should double your FSA contribution. (Then again, only one of the above injuries was a two-wheelin’ tragedy.)

Lesson #9: Discovering that your child has popped his elbow out of the socket—and, miraculously, back in—is best done in a doctor’s office. That way a professional can keep you under observation, get you water and push your stroller to the lobby when you (almost) pass out. (Though it turns out to be a pretty minor injury, in the scheme of things. Phew!)

Lesson #10: Wheels on the Bus must have been written by a man. Because a mom would have known we don’t need one more reason for the kids to think dad is more fun. (Even if it is true.)

Here’s to a new week. And don’t forget to tell those little ones that if you don’t want an ouch, no more monkeys jumping on the couch!