Marissa, Marissa, Marissa. Every time I turn around, there’s someone talking about Marissa. She’s everywhere. And, yes, now she’s here.
(For those of you who don’t live in the Silicon Valley or have 100 Facebook friends who have worked at Yahoo! at some point, let me summarize: Yesterday she was a Google exec, today she’s Yahoo!’s CEO, and in October, she’ll be a mom for the first time. Phew, that’s one busy lady.)
For the most part, I try to avoid chiming in on media hype. But this story, well, it hits close to home. I worked at Yahoo! for eight years. I was pregnant while working at Yahoo! three times. While I never had Marissa’s shiny blond hair, engineering mind, or bank account, I did sit on the same floor as she will, worked pretty darn hard, was respected by my colleagues, and grew a watermelon under my (not-so) corporate attire—long before she did.
So, I don’t know about you, but I think that qualifies me to be her role model. As such, I was thinking of telling her how I did everything in my power to work with my manager and HR to take a six-month maternity leave. Twice. I also thought she might like to hear about how I went to a 4-day week. And, eventually, a 3-day week. You know, so I could continue to develop my career (and pay my mortgage) while spending more time with my babies.
It’s funny though, I keep reading about why she—as a working, expectant mother—should be my role model. After all, she’s the youngest CEO of a Fortune 500 company (though she is older than I am…phew). She’s smart, beautiful, charasmatic, and outrageously ambitious. In fact she only plans to take a 3-week maternity leave, but she’ll be checking in the whole time. Talk about driven.
I’ve probably read about 15 articles/posts about Marissa and her future at Yahoo!, and I have yet to see one that doesn’t applaud her and all she’s doing for women like me. Working moms.
But honestly, I’m not so sure. If I were still at Yahoo!, I’d be a bit nervous about the precident she’s setting. I can only hope that she’s holding herself to a standard she won’t expect from the women working for her. I can only hope that, in spite of her personal choices, she’ll foster a culture where flexible schedules and long maternity leaves keep great talent motivated and loyal. Personally, that was one of the things I valued most about working at Yahoo!.
And I guess that’s what it all comes down to. The wonderful thing about how far we’ve come as women is that we do have choices. And rather than the media telling us which choices have value, we have to—no, we get to—decide what’s right for us. As individuals.
I think it’s wonderful that a woman like Marissa has the opportunity to live out her career dreams at the same time as having a baby. I hope that the company—and her new baby—thrive thanks to her passion.
And, while you won’t see media hype about me, I think it’s wonderful that I, too, get to live my dream of working from home so I can be a part of my kids’ daily lives. Even if my career isn’t booming right now. Because that’s the choice I’ve made to ensure my family thrives.
And, ladies, whatever choices you’ve made—for you, for your family, for your career—well they’re yours to own. Yours to celebrate.
And that? That is the progress we should all be celebrating. Not just today, but every day.
What do you think? Who are your career/mom role models?
I think this will forever be a delicate topic of discussion, as well as a delicate life balance…. and you’ve definitely focused on the main crux – of this and ALL choices mothers make – do what’s right for you, be proud of your choice, don’t judge others for their choices, and don’t punish me for my choices when it comes to adding the job title of “mother” to whatever other job title you’re currently holding. (unless, of course I’ve totally read this wrong so if so – sorry for paraphrasing incorrectly… ;)!!)
The thing “we” know that Marissa just doesn’t yet… is that you can never really tell how you’re going to feel after that wee one emerges and how that will impact how you *thought* you knew the world and your place in it….
You paraphrased perfectly and, yes, your point is another great one. Like your very insightful sister wrote (http://newsstream.blogs.cnn.com/2012/07/17/open-letter-to-marissa-mayer/), I hope she reserves the right to change her mind and take more leave to bond with her baby if motherhood—and all the love, exhaustion, and hugeness of it—takes her by surprise. Goodness knows, there’s all kinds of material in this story. Maybe I should start a new blog dedicated to Marissa!
Jodie, you make an insightful comment that alludes to a discovery made by many women after they become mothers.
During the research phase for my next novel, LIFE SONG, I spoke to a diverse group of women – the sample size was over 1500 women. All the women interviewed made the point that two things are born during the delivery process: a new baby and a new mother. They all pointed to the fact that although they had mothers themselves, they had not understood what it meant to be a mother. There was wide agreement among the sample group that before the birth of the first child the mother-to be had thought that ‘the baby’ could be fitted into her life with only a few adjustments required.
Interestinlgy, each woman commented on how her self-perception unexpectedly changed after the birth of her first child. That change was an unanticipated altering of the woman’s psyche. With that change, there was also a shift in what was valued.
Wow, that’s so fascinating that you were able to talk to so many women and gain this insight. I would have guessed it, but it’s powerful to hear it confirmed. Thank you for sharing!
I love this post and that first comment. My only “problem” (and even that’s overstating) was that Marissa seemed to know just what she was going to want and all I could think was so did I…before my first. I hope if and when she changes her mind, she is supported-most importantly by her own self.
Great point. I hope she gives *herself* the support she needs. Because no board member is going to tell her to take it easy on herself.
Great post, Amy. I find it humorous that all the hype credits Marissa with doing so much for working moms, rather than praising working moms for making her situation possible. As you pointed out, your experience qualifies you to be her role model, not the other way around.
Jodie’s observation is wise. You never really know how you’ll feel or what will work best for your family until it happens. Oh, and by the way, Marissa, those feelings and plans can (and probably will!) change and change and change as you and your child grow and change.
Ha, I hope it didn’t sound like I really think I should be her role model. I’m a hot mess. 😉 I was trying to make a point that it’s so ridiculous to think that every working mother is the same and should look up to the same person. This is going to be one really interesting story as it unfolds…
Hi, just popping into the conversation albeit belatedly. It isn’t Marissa but the people who are lauding her behaviour that need to under the microscope. An individual woman’s choice is just that – individual. For people (whether they have an overt agenda or not) to generalize any one woman’s choice and to hold it up as a desirable model is a concern. It imposes a narrow view of acceptable behaviour for working mothers and attempts to fix how women, who happen to be mothers, should work and live. Another problem: that type of praise makes it difficult for Marissa (and women like her once they go through the physical and mental shifts of becoming mothers) to not continue as they had previously done in the workplace.
Great points, Christine. Thanks so much for joining the discussion!
That’s exactly it. We all have different versions of having it all…or even wanting it all! Instead of calling some people role models, and some people followers, we should all have the freedom and support we need to make our own choices.
Thanks, April! Blogging moms like you were my role models as I started this new chapter of my life. Thanks for the inspiration!
Right on Amy. One of the things I loved about Yahoo! was how supportive they were of pregnant women and new mothers. I too was able to take a 6 month leave when i had my first kid, something that not every company will do. When i had my second child, I was at a new company, and in a much more senior level role. My birth story is not normal (my son was born at just 24 weeks) and I was so lucky to once again have a supportive company, and was given 9 months to decide what I was going to do.
In the end, I chose to resign and start my life as a work from home mom. While this has been hit or miss, it has been very rewarding.
Bottom line: each mom has different needs and desires. Some want to return to work right away and some never want to go back. Either way, I would just hope that every company understands that, is supportive of it, and allows new moms (and dads!) to do what is right for them, their families and ultimately, their jobs.
I’m so glad you were in places that offered you the support you needed…especially the second time around. Here’s to you and forging your very own wonderful path!
agreed:)
While I am far from Silicone Valley in both age and distance, it is an issue that we have been struggling with since we took off the apron and headed out the door. Everyone has to find what makes them – and their family – happy. Which you so captured here. But, sometimes women at the top forget that for better or worse, and whether they like it or not, they are role models and trend setters, and they forget that what they want is actually not what is best for everybody or everyone. Here’s hoping that more than a few sleepless nights and a burpy baby will be a clue for Marissa that there is no right or wrong, for her – or anybody else.
Well said. Thank you!
I wish the voices of reason represented here were present when I was having my children! One thing is for certain, women CAN have it all. The question is does each woman WANT it all? I decided I wanted it all – just not all at the same time. I had 12 glorious years home with my children and now I am recreating my professional self and having the time of my life. Ladies – I fully support whatever it is YOU choose to do. Fortunately our Mothers and Grandmothers walked the walk so we could talk the talk.
Amy I look forward to more posts from your perspective!
love this!!! and yes- kudos to those who came before and paved the path we walk now :)!
Amy, your posts are always so profound and this one is no exception. I don’t think the media have got that right in any country.
However, one of the reasons I moved from Silicon Valley to Australia (where I am originally from) is because I was able to take 12 months maternity leave and return to the SAME senior level role I had before having my baby. The US is still far behind in helping working moms and families maintain their careers while also being there in the critical early stages of a baby’s development (yes, I know all stages are critical). More pressure on legislators to ensure that they make it a requirement for companies to provide adequate leave for mothers and fathers is required.
Thanks so much, Joanna. I really appreciate your perspective because it does seem like you’ve figured out a way to embrace and own a wonderful family life and career. I’m thrilled to hear it! (Though Yahoo! US could really use you if you decide to return to the States!)
I loved your post. I too expected to quickly return to my high payng corporate job after a few weeks of maternity leave. That was until I held my son for the first time. I ended up staying with him and starting my own business. Ten years and a second child later, and I know I made the right choice for my family. I think it’s great that Yahoo didn’t discount her for the role because of her pregnancy. I also think its great that she is paving the way for more women CEOs. It will be interesting to see if her plans work out the way she expects them to. In my experience, when it comes to parenting, things rarely go as expected…but often for all the right reasons.
Great blog, Amy. I can’t help wonder if the new CEO’s baby will be reassured that she’ll be “checking in” after bonding with her newborn for 3 whole weeks. I can’t help but think she’s” having it all” at her baby’s expense (and I doubt she needs to work to pay the mortgage!). Babies don’t ask to be born and they represent not our generation but the next. I know, I’m old-fashion but, if you ask me, she should look to you as a role model!
Amy, I stumbled upon this post during a search for “working mom role models” since somedays I think we all need a few to turn to and inspire us. I loved your original post and all of the thoughtful replies. Time has passed and we all now know that Marissa returned to work after 2 short weeks.
As a single working-outside-the-home mom, I returned to work after 8 weeks of paid leave, and really struggled to leave my “teeny-tiny” daughter. I started back part-time the first month (3 days -> 4 days -> 5 days) and was back FT when my daughter was 12 weeks old. My daughter is now almost 8 months old and we’ve settled into our routine. My employer is family friendly — liberal PTO policy, ability to work from home, etc… but I still feel the pangs of guilt from time to time. My solution is to try to give all of myself to whatever circumstance I am in (100% while I am work to my team; 100% at home to my daughter), and know that there will be times when I can’t please everyone.
My career is nowhere near as advanced or stressful as Marissa’s (nor do I want it to be) but I do wonder how she is managing and feeling in these very early months. I do not judge her decisions at all, but as many have stated, my only concern is the precedent it might set. Parenting and career models are a very personal thing… what works for me doesn’t work for others, and vice versa. I remain hopeful that employers continue to acknowledge that fact and get more flexible/creative in the options they offer, not less.
Andrea, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like you have a wonderful head on your shoulders and that you’re doing what’s right for you and your baby girl. She will learn so very much from you!
I recently went to Coca-Cola headquarters for an event and one of my favorite pieces of advice from an executive there was to give 100% of yourself to whatever it is you’re doing at that moment. Even if it’s a very short moment. She also talked about being confident in you *own* choices. She said that once she made that choice, she got back the slivers of time she was debating herself in her head. I loved that. My point in sharing this is it sounds to me that in 8 months, you have the wisdom of a working mom of many years. (And I’m so glad you’ve found a supportive company!)
I wish you and your daughter much happiness and bonding time together!