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Slice-of-life stories about parenthood

Those Boobs Were Made for Milking, And That’s Just What They’ll Do … Or Will They?

Those Boobs Were Made for Milking, And That’s Just What They’ll Do … Or Will They?

by 15 Comments

Bloomberg, Bloomberg, Bloomberg. Every time I turn around, there’s someone talking about Bloomberg. He’s everywhere. And, yes, now he’s here.

(For those of you who don’t live on Facebook or have a mom who listens to lots of talk radio, let me summarize: Mayor Bloomberg has decided to lock up the baby formula in hospitals and throw away the key. Ok, not really, but he would if he could. Read the details of how he’s pushing hospitals to eliminate all baby formula marketing and hide the products here.)

For the most part, I try to avoid chiming in on media hype. But this story, well, it hits close to home. (I know, I know, this is sounding oddly familiar, isn’t it?)

I have two boobs. I have three babies. I have no milk. Not just now. Ever. No milk. Which, I guess, is probably the same amount Bloomberg has. So that makes me as qualified as he is to tell you how you should feed your baby. Right?

Goodness knows I dove into motherhood ready to drop my top every couple hours. To connect with my baby in a way unlike any other. To ensure that helpless little body evolved into a strong, healthy one. I took the pre-baby breastfeeding class (from the best of the best!), I rocked the latch and hold I was taught, I even nailed colostrum production. (You can imagine my pride when I left the hospital with such high honors.) But then, that time when your milk comes in, well, it never came. In less than a week, Big was down over a pound from his birth weight and he was—quite literally—starving. In came the medical grade pump, the feeding syringe, the guilt, the sleeplessness, the absolute torture of being a mysterious medical case.

When I went through this struggle with Big, I felt terrible. About myself. About what it meant for him. Before I even knew I’d be in this position, the nurses and lactation consultants at the hospital made it clear that there was only one—one—right way to feed a baby. So you can imagine my horror a week later, the day the pediatrician handed me a sample of formula. He told me I simply had to feed my baby—immediately.

It felt like a slap in the face. Like he’d taken away my imaginary certificate from the hospital and ripped it up in front of my face. Here I was a week into motherhood and I was failing. I. Do. Not. Fail. (Not gracefully, at least.)

By the time Little came around, I’d seen new doctors with new ideas and new hope. I was ready and willing again. Nothing. This time I gave in faster, but it wasn’t any easier. (Though being at a different hospital—which I knew was a must—with lactation consultants who were truly supportive, creative, and understanding made for a much softer landing on the fall from grace.)

The third time around with Pink, I was empowered as well. Not with the hope that my body would miraculously do what it hadn’t ever done before, but with the knowledge that my baby would be just fine. I didn’t hesitate to request formula and a pump right away. I still rocked the colostrum and I gave nursing one last try. But I knew what I was up against. And I knew that bottle feeding wasn’t all bad. Formula feeding means help, sleep, freedom. (It also means a huge expense and a ton of dish washing, of course.)

The only way to know what’s right for you—for your baby—is to live it. Nobody else has walked a mile in your nursing bra.

You can read, take classes, join organizations, and hope. But the fact of the matter is, everybody’s body is different. And, while most mother’s bodies instinctually make just the right amount of milk to help their babies thrive, others don’t. Some women find nursing to be an extremely calming, bonding experience. Others are so haunted by pain or other difficulties that it actually slows the bonding process.

If everyone were the same, life wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. So be proud that you’re a mother who cares enough to help her baby thrive. Period. No matter what the nurses, lactation consultants, know-it-alls, media, or politicians may say—or do—to make you feel otherwise.

Do you think formula should be made less accessible in hospitals to encourage breastfeeding? Or do you think it puts undue pressure on new moms trying to navigate nursing?

There’s more where this came from:
The Risk of Not Breastfeeding
Formula Saves Lives Too

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Comments

  1. Sounds to me like Bloomberg is stepping in so women can make an informed decision on their own – without seeing formula branding and packaging all over their hospital room and nursery. I remember feeling like all those logos and cans were taunting me, like “when you fail at breastfeeding … and you will … we’ll be here for you”. Thankfully I had a great relationship with a lactation consultant at my birthing hospital and I didn’t have to feel undermined for long.
    While I realize formula feeding is necessary for some women like you, based on what I’ve read about the law it sounds like it’s still perfectly accessible, just not all over the place like it was before. I think the key is that it’s available for you to sign out if you need it, but its presence won’t undermine breastfeeding mothers who have a weak moment.

    Reply

    • This is great insight, Kelly. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I can see why you felt like a choice you didn’t want was being imposed on you, as well. Goodness knows there’s no perfect answer, but I’m glad you had success and feel like this is a step that will give other mothers the opportunity to succeed as well. I hope that for every mother who *wants* it, but I also hope for relief and support for mothers who don’t or can’t.

      Reply

  2. When I heard about this I was and still am very upset by this-this is ridiculous! You said it so well-you have to live it and do what is best for you and your baby!

    Reply

  3. I think the bottom line for motherhood (and life, really) is to be as knowledgeable about ALL options, know the pros and cons of each, and make a decision that fits YOU (be it your physical ability or your personal preference)… this goes for nursing vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping, diapers vs. Chinese split pants ;), etc.

    To be honest (and not to toot my own horn or anything) but my sister and I were both formula fed and I think we turned out just fine… 🙂

    For sure, politics should stay out of the nursery… next thing you know, they’ll start banning epidurals or “encouraging” scheduled c-sections for EVERYONE … let’s not go there, folks… let’s just not go there.

    Reply

  4. Oh goodness……here goes……I’m dipping my toe into the topic. I think because I’ve had three very positive experiences with nursing, I don’t understand (though I certainly do empathize) the incredible guilt and burden that many women associate with breastfeeding. I love nursing for myself, but I really have no opinion on what/how other women feed their babies, and I certainly have no judgement (just as I’d hope no one would judge me for my choices). All parenting choices are personal, and I believe families do their best to make positive choices for their children. Different strokes for different folks. As I’ve heard the law explained, no one is saying that mothers can’t feed their babies formula, and it is available upon request. Hospitals are just educating mothers on different ways to feed their babies. If a mother truly wants to formula feed, she’s welcome to do that. I think the problem lies in that women feel pressured to do the “right” thing, when it doesn’t work for them or their family. In my opinion, the “right” thing is what works for you. I wish moms would give themselves a break! No one is judging them nearly as critically as they are judging themselves. If a hospital or lactation consultant suggests nursing, I don’t think it’s intended as a personal criticism for a mom who chooses not to nurse. All the moms I know are awesome women raising wonderful children. We should all be proud of the hard work we are putting in to raising our children in the most loving way possible. I think we should trust ourselves and our choices and believe in what we do, and not worry so much about outsiders opinions. We are the ones who know what works for our bodies and our babies.

    Reply

    • Great points, Mary. I think that if you polled people, their feelings on this would be split down the middle based on how successful their breastfeeding experience was. I certainly don’t think formula should be pushed, but to take a stand that you need a medical reason/approval for requesting it in the hospital (which is how I understand it) sets a dangerous precedent and puts mothers who do have problems with nursing—during the most emotional/joyous/overwhelming time in life—in an even more upsetting position.

      I’m all for educating mothers on all their choices, but, based on my experience (which is obviously limited), there aren’t people out there talking about the other side until AFTER you’ve failed. There’s very little warning that it might be difficult, painful, or even impossible. In birthing class, they talk about natural childbirth and explain that there’s a back-up plan should things not work. I wouldn’t consider that pushing C-sections. In breastfeeding class (at least the one I took and the ones people I’ve spoken to took), they don’t talk about a plan B. If they do, it’s extremely negative. By not talking about it, and only focusing on why breast is best, people who fail can’t help but feel terrible guilt and angst. Just like childbirth, it’s explained to be a beautiful, miraculous thing and to not be able to experience it does feel a bit like a loss.

      So, maybe the issue here is really that we’re all judging ourselves a lot more than others are judging us. But, in my opinion, there’s a very good reason for that and it’s more than internal.

      Thanks so much for keeping a lively discussion going!

      Reply

  5. I just really want to say THANK YOU for writing this post and confirming that we are not alone in this struggle. Thank you!

    Reply

  6. Ladies, we are so fortunate to live in the time and place that we do. Our bodies were built with a purpose. Generations ago there was a plan B should our bodies not be able to produce sustenance for our babies. Thank goodness then for wet nurses. Today, thank goodness for scientists who have created formula.

    You’re absolutely right this is all about having information and being knowledgeable. We should all rejoice in the fact that we do have choices. I am not familiar with the proposed law. However, the labor & delivery room and nursery is no place for commercialism. I vote for making women aware of the options at all stages of pregnancy and to do so without corporate advertising or personal opinion. While not every mother may have a choice due to no fault of her own, the end result is all the same. We just want to provide the best we possibly can for our babies. For some that is breast and for others it is the bottle. The reasons a mother does what she does is not fodder for debate or law.

    Personally I cheer on any mother who feeds her baby, loves her baby and protects her baby! Yeah us!!!

    Reply

  7. I commend you on facing this difficult topic and I see many different viewpoints expressed and discussed. Mothers and not mayors should be in charge of these decisions. I find it hard to believe that in these challenging times Bloomberg is running NYC so well that he has time to weigh in on such personal matters esp. when qualified nurses and doctors are available. Does the mayor have an Oral fixation!?!

    Reply

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