Lately I’ve been hearing a common gripe among my friends with young ones. And I’m saying it right along with them, “My kids don’t appreciate how lucky they are, and they always want more.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking that sentiment probably applies to most adults as well. If it were considered socially acceptable, I’m pretty sure I’d beg my dinner hosts for more dessert. If I had no concept of how hard-earned money is, I’d probably want to buy another new sundress — even though I just got a super cute one. If I didn’t have a pile of dishes to do and dinner to cook, I’d definitely want to hit the park/pool/friend’s house yet again today.
So, yes, it’s understandable. But so is wanting to feel like all we do as parents doesn’t go unnoticed.
How about a little gratitude? Is that too much to ask?
Forget asking, I’m insisting. I figure if I want my kids to be gracious, I have to teach it. I’m finding it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. Not only do my kids continue to push back on me, I find myself being rather inconsistent. So I figure if I write about it, maybe you all will join me and we can hold each other accountable by sharing ideas.
Here are the few things I’ve started that seem to be working.
5 Good Things
Each night, I’m trying to remember to ask my kids to come up with five things Lenny and I did to make their day better. It can be as simple as making breakfast (which it almost always is), but at least it gets the kids in a constructive pattern of thinking about how others’ actions positively impact their day.
Meal Thanks
My friend is amazing at this, and I’m following her lead. At the end of every meal, rather than running off, I’m making my kids look the “host” (which is usually me) in the eye, and say, “Thank you for lunch. May I be excused?” For the most part my answer is, “Yes you may. Please clear your plate.” Sometimes I ask them to eat a bit more or join the rest of us a bit longer, but just being asked in a nice way makes saying “yes” far less cringe-worthy. Believe it or not, even three-and-a-half-year-old Little is doing a great job with this one.
Justifying “More”
Rather than begging for more, I’m trying to teach my kids to think about what they’ve enjoyed so they can express that in the quest for more. For instance, “That cookie was delicious. May I have another one?” Or, “I’m having so much fun with these Star Wars guys. If I can get more, I’ll be able to have even better battles.” The answer isn’t always yes, and the reaction isn’t always pretty, but at least there’s an acknowledgement that there’s gratitude for what they did get and a “why” to the “more”.
Goodness knows there will be days these tricks fail me, or I fail myself by getting too relaxed about them. But they’re a good start.
How do you teach your kids gratitude and manage the ever-present gimmes?
These all sound great. I think trying the “5 Good Things” might be a great way to help diffuse the ticking time bomb that is Irene at dinner time. Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll let you know how it goes.
Please do. And do share any other techniques you come across too! Good luck!
Can I have more tips… er.. .um… I mean – I really appreciate all the tips you’ve given so far, please feel free to keep them coming! 😉
These are really wonderful ideas/practices – I’m going to have to try and adopt them here – wish me luck!
When you ask that way, I’m happy to give you more tips. But I’m afraid I’m all out. Best of luck!
Here are a couple of more tips that have worked wonderfully for us:
1. Model it. I openly express my gratitude for life’s small blessings and do so many times during the day – it filters through kids’ subconsciousness remarkably. I was thrilled to hear my 6 year old pipe up the other day “mom, I am do thankful for the hibiscus flowers in our garden, it attracts such pretty birds!”. They do as you do, not as you say. We each take turns telling the others what we appreciated most about them that day – that includes the parents expressing gratitude to the kids for something they did or didn’t do,
2. Get them to help. Yes it takes 5x longer to have my son unload the dishwasher, stuff gets misplaced, the dishes still have water spots on them sometimes and it’s agonizing to have to stand back and watch him create more work for me after taking a good 30 minutes to do the job. But it was all worth the utter incredulity on each of our faces (first, on mine) when he told me “I thought you and Dad enjoy doing the dishes and laundry every day!” and then on his face, when I reassured him we enjoy doing it as much as he did – that it was a task for us as much as it was for him. It led to a conversation about how we all do things even we don’t particularly have fun doing, but need to be done anyway such as laundry and cooking dinner, because that’s the only way we will have clean clothes to wear and food to eat when we are hungry. It was somewhat of an epiphany for him that grown-ups don’t enjoy cleaning the house as much as he enjoys playing Mario Kart on his Wii and it was an epiphany for me to realize that my kids think adults only do things they enjoy and had no concept of the effort involved until they try it themselves.
3. Volunteer. We have a whole new appreciation and gratitude for our good health after we took a bunch of my kids’ books to the local children’s hospital to donate. That trip led to a conversation about who will read the books at the hospital, why the kids are there in the first place, and how nice it feels to be able to help.
4. Teach them to react to adversity thoughtfully. What lesson can we learn from it, and how that can be applied to future situations. Teach them to see the silver lining in the cloud always and point out the silver lining wouldn’t be visible but for the cloud.
Shuba, what thoughtful, great advice. We definitely try to do some of these things, but will do so with more focus on their role in teaching gratitude now. Thank you!
You know that gratitude subject is a sore one for me. I love your lessons ideas and am going to try them out.
Good luck!
Each night before bed they say their personal prayers. It used to just be me giving them ideas about what to thank Heavenly Father for. So I decided they need to be able to recognize that on their own. Now each night they have to come up with three things they are thankful for. Sometimes I still help and a lot of times I remind them that if we aren’t grateful for what we have and do the. We don’t get to have and do things ( regularly they say I can’t think of anything or I’m only grateful for my Legos). I sometimes remind them how lucky we are to have a place to live and how much God loves us to have given us this awesome earth. Sometimes I help them understand how lucky they are to have toys etc. but for the most part it just helps them remember every day that there is always something to be grateful for. I love it because I remind them of how much fun we have everyday. Plus I give them an extra big hug and smooch after so it’s just one more chance for a snuggle. Thank you for sharing this. Life is all about remembering how blessed and lucky we are for everything. Thank you!
We need to get back in the habit of bedtime prayers. Thanks so much for the gentle reminder and kind words. I couldn’t agree more with counting our blessings!
Loved this Amy…..some very thoughtful and good suggestions. Parenting is not easy and I think it really has become more difficult as the years go by with all the additional outside influences we continue to have. (if that makes me sound old, it’s because I am!!! 🙂
Keep up the good work….love reading your blogs!
I totally agree! (Not that you’re old, but that there are more outside influences! 😉 ) Thanks so much!
I just found your blog and I have really enjoyed reading your posts, especially this one! I am starting this with my 2 year old son; it is never too early to be appreciative and thankful for what you have!
Welcome, Melissa! Thanks so much for the great feedback. I couldn’t agree more and your little boy is lucky to have you on his side. No doubt he’ll appreciate all you’re teaching him…someday!