As a mom, this election year has me all worked up. Not because of any policy a candidate has proposed in a precisely, professionally worded speech. Not because the candidates have outrageously talented photographers following them around to capture those anything-but-candid candids. And not because I think the word Forward is backwards or the lack of a one-word slogan represents lack of focus. (I was a communications major. I get spin.)
I’m upset because this election season is making my job as a mom harder.
You see, there are a few basic lessons I’m working to teach my kids about respect. And everywhere I turn, somebody is showing me—and them—that if you’re “passionate”, the rules don’t apply. For instance…
Don’t call people names. Use your words to tell me how they upset you.
Idiot. Murder. Ass. Bigot. Are those the words we want our kids to think of when we say, “Commander in Chief” or “President of the United States”? Even if it’s not “our guy”? Because those are the words I’m hearing thrown around—all too casually. Of course one of the great things about our country is that we have the freedom to speak our minds, but let’s remember, we also have the freedom to use our minds. To engage in productive discussion instead of simple name calling.
Funny doesn’t equal smart.
Sure, there are some pretty hilarious political gaffs, parodies, and one-liners out there. But unless they’re part of a bigger discussion involving critical thinking and an understanding of the issues, they’re entertainment. Not information.
Just because one kid (or even a whole team) did something you didn’t like on the soccer field, doesn’t mean everyone who plays soccer is a jerk.
Those people you’re calling idiots because of a policy idea you disagree with? They’re the neighbors who bought your kid’s Girl Scout cookies. Those people you’re calling racist because of one candidate across the country with closed-minded views? They’re the folks you laughed with at a BBQ last weekend. While there’s no doubt this country is made up of people with very different beliefs, my fundamental belief is that there’s a lot more that unites us than divides us. (But I realize that’s not very entertaining.)
If someone’s being mean, just walk away.
You know what? This is the only truth I’ve been able to hold on to this election. Everywhere I turn these days, the discussion is mean (even if it’s punctuated with a laugh). So I’ve walked away. And I’ve shielded my kids as best I can from it.
But that’s not what I want.
I want to be able to discuss the issues in a safe place where multiple points of view are discussed and respected. Even when extremely passionate people disagree.
So last week, when I heard that a blogging friend of mine (who I met through a mutual friend) was starting a new project, I was thrilled. Aimee, of Everyday Epistle, is very outspoken—and well spoken—in her conservative views. And, recently at BlogHer, she met her equally outspoken—and well-spoken—liberal counterpoint (who happens to live in my neck of the woods), Lisen of Prism Work.
Together, they’ve launched a new online community: Finding (Un)Common Ground. The tagline is, “2 moms discuss life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Here’s an excerpt from their About page:
“They live in different parts of the country, have different beliefs, and hold different perspectives on divisive issues. What they also discovered in that first, brief meeting was a mutual desire for civil discourse. A need to elevate the dialogue. Understand and be understood. Respect instead of attack. Hard to come by these days, especially online.”
The project just launched last week with a discussion about the attack on the U.S. Embassy in Libya, and I’m really excited to hear more from both women. I hope you’ll check it out, and—if you do feel strongly about an issue—I hope you’ll engage in the respectful discussion, so those of us who want to learn more and make thoughtful, educated decisions can hear both sides of an issue.
Congratulations, Aimee and Lisen! And best of luck to you as you respectfully discuss the issues in an effort to find common ground.
What about you? Are you bothered by the political climate and how it’s impacting your family?
First and foremost, thanks for introducing me to Finding UnCommon Ground! I’ve already added it to my reader, and look forward to the civil discourse they’re promising!
Second, while I totally agree with you that politicians should act like grown-ups, and while I stay away from posting what would be considering disparaging publicly, I love the political cartoons that others post, and laughing at comics who make fun of politicians and *some* other immature behavior.
I don’t believe that the entire world wide web should be suitable for children, just like I don’t think all television should be sanitized. I still think we have a responsibility as parents to talk to our kids about what they see, to be aware of what sites they’re visiting and what shows they’re watching. And I think us grown-ups deserve some raunchy humor and R-rated entertainment in our lives, too!
Of course, I don’t believe that we should be downright mean or hateful, either, but free speech is free speech. Often, I think you’ll agree that when people are mean or hateful, it says a lot more about them than it does about the intended target…and that can be valuable information, too.
Yes, April, I completely agree with you! I enjoy a good laugh and think that some of the humor is thought-provoking. And, yes, it’s absolutely our job as parents to ensure our kids are seeing age-appropriate content. I just think it’s important to be reminded that civil discourse should be part of the election process as well. I see so very little of that and it concerns me.
Yep, we could definitely use more civil discourse in the pundits! I may have “my” side, but nothing makes me cringe more than when I hear someone representing our shared point of view spout false statements and do nothing to move the conversation forward. There’s a time and place (like FB and Comedy Central) to make fun, but the conversations on the Sunday morning talk shows should be a lot more interesting than they are. I’ve basically stopped watching because of that. So we do agree 😉
Oh Aim! You really said it girl!
It troubles me to my soul, as a lover of politics, America and discourse, the lows to which we as a nation have reached. It is no longer possible, in most settings, to disagree with someone on a politically charged issue without straight up playground name calling becoming part of the discussion. It makes me think we have become so disinterested in knowledge that anything resembling a challenge to our notions is considered an assault. To say that I think government is the solution vs I think government is the problem is really equivalent of saying I like Tom Cruise movies vs I think Tom Cruise is a picasso faced weirdo. (OK – playground name calling) They are opinions that differ. That’s all. And should be okay. Other than learning interesting new names to call people (Jagwad being the most recent) I find very little value in political discourse. Which breaks my heart. I will definately be tuning into what the ladies at UnCommon Ground can do in the face of this disappointing development that we really should be better than. As my boy TR put it…
If we are to be a really great people, we must strive in good faith to play a great part in the world. We cannot avoid meeting great issues. All that we can determine for ourselves is whether we shall meet them well or ill.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks Amy for the thoughts. You are terribly good at what you do, dear.
What great insight and perspective. I love this: “It makes me think we have become so disinterested in knowledge that anything resembling a challenge to our notions is considered an assault.” I couldn’t agree more.
You’re terribly good at making me feel good at what I do. Thank you!
Amy, thank you so much for the call out to everyday epistle and Finding UnCommon Ground! We’re so excited to be launching this project. The more Lisen and I discussed the concept with each other and women we know, the more convinced we became of the need for forums of civil discourse on line. And I can absolutely relate to your post. I only hope smart, informed citizens don’t walk away from participating in this election and many elections for years to come. Whether it be dialoguing with others, running for office, or simply showing up and voting, we all must contribute for our republic to thrive.
Thank you for taking on this exciting challenge and filling a void so many people on BOTH sides are certainly feeling! No doubt both of you are up to the task.
Wonderfully said Amy, as always. I hate election time. I don’t like to go out to FB often because I can’t stand the online bickering. I’m very much a liberal and I have some close friends and relatives who are very conservative. I still love them all very much, but there’s so much finger pointing I can’t stand it. So, I choose not to get involved with any aggressive discussions. I just received an email from one of my good friends with a link to YouTube to watch something about how Obama and the Democrats have no regard for Israel. Clearly, that video is one sided. I deleted it without even opening it because I’m sure I could find a video that favors my side just as easily. The way I see it, we’re all one country and we should be looking out for one another, not pointing fingers and blaming one party or the other. I think it’s fantastic that these two women, Aimee and Lisen, have found an intelligent way of getting their point across. I only wish more people could “agree to disagree” in such a diplomatic manner.
Absolutely, Gay. Good for you for not engaging in the name calling. I hope you find that Lisen and Amy are a couple of voices of reason in this very important discussion!
Thanks for voicing your concerns to a large audience. America is designed for folks to disagree RESPECTFULLY. But I find myself just walking away more than is comfortable. When it comes to politics down here, we have bullies. I meet them everywhere form the grocery store to the church parking lot. Walking away doesn’t make for much of an adult discussion on the topics, so I’ll be reading Finding UnCommon Ground! Thanks for the tip.
Goodness knows I walk away, too. I’m hoping reading these will give me the insight and confidence to speak to the issues in a more well-rounded, thoughtful way. Thanks, Lolly!
Thanks for pointing me to this new great site. I love this post and feel like I’ve said so many of these things lately. My kids have made it especially important as they’re starting to pay attention to it and as you said, it’s hard to remind them of the basic rules we teach them when they’re not seeing them followed by most adults.
Yes, your kids are definitely entering the fray. Mine are still young enough to keep sheltered, so that’s been my approach. But I want to be able to get my kids excited about this process!
Amy,
Thanks for the great support. We are excited to learn more from each other and the wider community about issues that matter. Looking forward to being in dialogue with you as we go forward.
Lisen
P.S. Love your blog!
Thanks so much, Lisen. I appreciate the compliment and I truly respect and admire what you’re doing. And it seems I’m not the only one. Keep us talking!
Thank you for pointing us to this site. I am sad that our politicians are among the worst offenders. Politics should be about ideas and doing the best for our communities, state and country. I am sad that it is about like me, hate the other guy and there are no ideas discussed anymore. My kids are just getting to an age where they learn about government in school and start paying attention. I wish they could live in a world of ideas where they can believe that when we work together all things are possible.
Thanks so much for chiming in, Cindy. I definitely agree!
Lately, I’ve been doing what I like to call the FB Ostrich dance. I go on, check for birthdays, maybe post a couple of pics w/o viewing most of my friends posts. Kinda chicken I know. But I like the few friends I have and I’d rather ignore them and keep them than be infuriated on a daily basis. So I invite other Chicken Littles to dance with me. Great blog btw and interested to see what comes out of Finding (Un)Common Ground.
Thanks so much for coming by and commenting. Feel free to stay while…I’ll do my best to remain your friend.
I hear you…I’m a dancin’ right along side you. It’s not that I don’t want to hear logical, interesting political discussion. It’s that I don’t want to hear all of the soundbites and outrageous statements that seem to pass for “education” these days. I hope you checked out Finding UnCommon Ground…I’ve found their posts to be really great. Both women are very well versed and spoken on each topic they’ve covered.