10 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 80

It wasn’t my finest week, I’m afraid. Among other bumps in the road, I discovered that the main thing kids (and by “kids” I mean “Big”) learn in 1st grade is how to be mean to Mom. Luckily there are three other people in our family who still seem to like me. Most of the time. (Even I can admit to being unlikeable now and then.)

Lesson #1: If I have to play board games (specifically Chutes & Ladders and Candyland) with my cheating kids to officially get on the Mother of the Year ballot, I’d like to formally withdraw my application. (Though, knowing me, I never mailed it in and missed the deadline a long time ago anyway.)

Lesson #2: Shopping for boys’ tennis shoes is like being a judge in an ugly contest. And the competition is fierce. Is there really no such thing as attractive, supportive (non-tie) sneakers for athletic boys? (That’s not a rhetorical question…would love your insight.)

Lesson #3: When your ultra-picky uber-competitive boys start chanting, “Read it again! Read it again!” after you finish a new book, you can consider it a winner. In this case it was a playful story of competition turned teamwork, Annette Simon’s Robot Zombie Frankenstein!?. (We’ve also been loving The Mouse and the Motorcycle…some books truly are classics!)

Lesson #4: While M&Ms have served me well for years, Big informed me that he’s officially outgrown that form of bribery motivation. (“5 M&Ms? That’s, like, for two year olds.”) He’s kindly requested that next time I cut his nails, I give him cold hard cash or shopping sprees at Target instead. I say he better learn to bite his toenails too.

Lesson #5: Telling Big that I’m actually pretty funny—and other people laugh at my jokes—wasn’t my best idea. He simply started listing all his friends who just fake laugh to make me feel better. It’s good to know someone cares about my feelings.

Lesson #6: Asparagus is a food best introduced when your child is no longer in diapers.

Lesson #7: We can only hope that Pink’s topless phase is, well, a phase.

Lesson #8: It’s a bit disconcerting that Pink’s new favorite toy is the boys’ cash register, and that she loves to press the button that (audibly) says, “credit card”, over and over while nodding.

Lesson #9: I do a lot of things in the name of my kids’ education. I donate. I volunteer. I attend costume parties. But most importantly, I test the limits of the open bar, hoping that the effort I put into improving my kids’ education will allow someone else to teach them to know better.

Lesson #10: That hope was dashed quickly today when Big started making labels for Pink’s drawers and one said “Boos”. (Though it does clear up a few things about her behavior…like Lesson #7.)

Here’s to letting loose and being laughed at (in the best possible way, of course), all week long!

Disclosure: I was sent a free copy of Robot Zombie Frankenstein, but was not required to write about it. My boys truly love it—the story as well as the fact that the inside covers show you that simple shapes make up the complex illustrations in the book. A very cool bonus.