10 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 85

Before I dive into the silliness of the week, I want to take a moment to tell my friends on the east coast that they are on my mind and in my heart. Having lived in New Jersey for a couple years as a child, my family loved the shore and we’re so sad to see how much people there are suffering. My good friend, Cristie, still doesn’t have electricity, but she’s been out in other areas collecting coats and supplies to take back to her community. Amazing, right? I asked her how people who aren’t there can support her and others in need and she said 1) make a donation to the American Red Cross efforts and 2) check out this article that highlights the companies who are out there making a real impact.

There’s no good transition to go from tragedy to nonsense, but hopefully a laugh or two will help no matter where you are today.

Lesson #1: If I remember correctly, all I need to enjoy a relaxing bath is, say, bath salts and a good book. (And quiet.) Little, well, his prep is much more involved. Star Wars/superhero/ninja guys? Check. Batman motorcycle? Check. Battleship? Check. Spoon/Launcher/Cannon? Check. Ahhh…

Lesson #2: Forget haunted houses, bloody decorations, and spooky music. If you want to see something really scary, go to the party supply store the day before Halloween.

Lesson #3: Getting mad at the kids for eating candy for breakfast, and then doing it myself, isn’t a double standard. It’s being the mom.

Lesson #4: Come next Halloween, I’m wiring my jaw shut. If a 6 and 4 year old can wrangle this much candy, I don’t want to see what another year of training will do for them.

Lesson #5: Sending two 1st graders into the house to have a piece of Halloween candy wasn’t my finest moment (or theirs). I’m still finding wrappers in odd places. (Which explains why Big spent the evening on the couch with a cautionary barf bowl in hand.)

Lesson #6: Speaking of playdate mishaps, when your kid tells you he threw a flag and called unsportsmanlike conduct on his friend who was being mean to her little brother, you might want to cut down on his football watching time. (Unless the score is 66-10, that is. Lucky shorts, people. Lucky shorts.)

Lesson #7: Come the kids’ birthdays, I need to pay a bit more attention when they’re opening certain cards. When I went to borrow a 5-dollar bill out of Big’s piggy bank the other day (don’t judge), I found a generous birthday check inside. I’m pretty sure cashing it 7 months late is as much of a no-no as letting it land in there in the first place.

Lesson #8: Whoever says sitting down at the dinner table with the whole family is a wonderful bonding experience obviously hasn’t eaten with us. Within 10 minutes of sitting down one night this week, there was food being thrown (by Pink), a refusal to eat followed by a hula hoop demonstration (by Little), serious volume control issues (by Big), and a second glass of wine (by me).

Lesson #9: Little and I had the radio on the other day while we were getting all card sharky (again), and F.U.N. sang, “What do I stand for? What do I stand for?” Little proudly stood up and said, “I know what I stand for. U-S-A!” Too bad someone with that much pride can’t vote this week.

Lesson #10: I’m not sure whether to be proud or embarrassed that one of Pink’s first words is “bootie” (as in shake your). No wait, proud. Yeah, I’m proud. Oh, and she’s also mastered one of the most important commands in a child’s vocabulary. “Mommy!”

Here’s to a big week ahead. May you find a way to support those in need, get out to vote, and shake your bootie!