10 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 89

Ah yes, Christmas is mere hours away, and I’m still doing my best to out-Griswold myself—and I’m bringing my A-game. (Though I’m afraid this is just a house we aspire to be like, not ours…) I hope your next few days are full of laughs and all of your favorite things (and if you don’t celebrate Christmas, having a couple days off of work has to count, doesn’t it?).

Lesson #1: There was no better time for Big to be at school than when Pink’s long-distance relationship with Effie (our Elf on the Shelf—or in the stocking as the case was that day) became far more intimate. Luckily the “don’t touch the elf” rule doesn’t apply to babies who don’t understand it. Right?! (We’ll make no mention of the brother who may or may not have aided and abetted in the elf-napping.)

Lesson #2: Let’s just hope Santa wasn’t watching when Little told me I was dressed like a boy and looked fat. Even if he didn’t mean any harm by his totally obvious observations.

Lesson #3: And hopefully he was looking the other way when Big proudly forged my signature on his reading log. (He did such a good job, he couldn’t wait to show Lenny.)

Lesson #4: Even if Santa doesn’t show up at our house this week, he’s already given Big the best gift ever. In the letter that arrived in our mailbox this week (after putting his in the magical neighborhood mailbox last weekend), Santa told Big his was the best-written, longest letter he’s ever received. The man in the red suit is definitely watching and knows no words would have meant more to this boy.

Lesson #5: Who needs Santa when you have an especially lovely neighbor who shows up with dinner for your family the moment you mention being overwhelmed? (Thank you again, Linda!)

Lesson #6: When you clean (part of) your room once a year, you have the true pleasure of happening upon last year’s Christmas cards. The most amazing thing was looking at pictures of beautiful families who are now one person lovelier. It’s amazing how many more itty-bitty friends we have this year.

Lesson #7: When you don’t clean your online shopping address books every year, you end up shipping half your family’s gifts to the company you haven’t worked for in two years.

Lesson #8: Christmas is the only time of year a huge red zit at the end of your nose is considered festive. (At least I have one thing ready for the big day…)

Lesson #9: When someone from Google+ reaches out and asks if you want to have a business meeting in a “hangout” online, you would be mistaken to think skipping a shower and makeup is a good idea. I discovered the webcam not only adds 10 pounds, it also adds outrageously huge dark circles under your eyes.

Lesson #10: It’s a dangerous time in parenting when your kid is naming all of his stuffed animals “Chuck” and singing the Name Game Song as loud as he can everywhere he goes. “Chuck, Chuck bo buck, banana fana fo…”

I wish you and your family the happiest of holidays! I can’t wait to hear about your adventures!