The following post was inspired by Marcia Kemp Sterling’s riveting novel One Summer in Arkansas. When golden boy Lee returns home to Arkansas for the summer, his Silicon Valley smarts can’t save him from getting pulled back in to the dramas of the town, the family, and the love he left behind. While this hauntingly beautiful story touches on law, family, race, and religion, it’s no surprise that as the story was unfolding, I found myself asking, “Where did this mother go wrong?”
From the moment our kids are born, we’re overwhelmed with love. This helpless, sweet child is all ours to adore, to cuddle, to sniff, to show off.
And to raise?!
That’s right, somewhere along the line, we realize how high the expectations are for us as parents. Really? We have to turn this helpless little lump into a successful adult?
We don’t mean to, but we start to look to our kids for affirmation that we’re doing things — ok, something — right. We can’t help it, everywhere we go, people ask. Is he a good sleeper? Is she rolling over? Is he talking yet? Is she doing well in school? Is he on the team?
With each answer, it’s as if our parenting resume is being written. We start to see our success wrapped up in our kids’ successes. Tangible successes. It starts with good grades, awards, girls (be them friends or dates). And, as the years go by, they become the kinds of successes that go on applications and fill bank accounts.
It’s an easy trap to fall into. I already find myself getting too wrapped up in what book Big is reading, or how many baskets he’s scoring. Not because I think I actually had anything to do with the answers, but because those successes can be measured.
And while I certainly want my kids to do well in school, and have fun out on the field, I know better. I know my success as a mom won’t be determined by their job titles some day.
It will be measured by their ability to love — and show that love — to the people in their lives. By their willingness to laugh — with others and at themselves. By their creativity when coming up with solutions to problems — big and small. By their strength when faced with a challenge. By their kindness, compassion, honesty, sense of humor, resilience, and generosity. By their character.
So, in the end, if I’ve raised three good people, well, I know that will bring me immeasurable joy.
*Giveaway* Please leave a comment by Thursday, February 7, 2013 at 12pm PST for a chance to win a copy of One Summer in Arkansas. The winner will be chosen at random and must live in the U.S.
For a more traditional review of this book, please visit my friend, Aimee, at Everyday Epistle. To purchase One Summer in Arkansas and discover more about Marcia Kemp Sterling, please visit Marcia’s website www.MarciaKempSterling.com.
Disclosure: I was sent a copy of the book for review. All opinions are my own.
Very interesting topic as I’m constantly second guessing every move I make in raising my daughter. I’m sure I’ll screw up more than I succeed – I”m really the one learning! Hopefully she will rise above it all and become brilliant. Thanks, Amy! I’m going to check out the book/website.
No doubt we’ll all screw up more than we succeed, but kids are resilient, aren’t they? We’d better hope…
Its so hard not to see ourselves reflected in our children- the good and the bad. I guess the key is to try to let them just be themselves!
So true!
Perfect timing for this post because I’ve been doubting my parenting skills BIG time this week. Sounds like an interesting read!
It’s a really interesting book filled with great characters. The mom is far from the main character, but she fascinated me.
Amy, I spent at least 18 summers in Arkansas growing up. The highlights of those summers came when I got to escape for a week or two to visit my cousins in Denver. Or, when my Denver cousins came to PB for a visit. These family trips unleashed the party spirit in my mom and Aunt Eunice. They were determined that we be entertained constantly which meant field trips and lots of adventure for me. Denver trips kindled a desire in me to escape from Arkansas which I did for college and then never returned for anything but visits. Now I return fairly frequently to be with/check on my Uncle Jack, now 96. He never married and has only nieces and nephews. Your dad would remember him, I’m sure. Anyway, his mind is great, hearing not so great, sense of humor still good. We generally have a cocktail before dinner in his home (duplex in a retirement community) where he lives alone. He is still an excellent host, always concerned with his guests comfort. Having explained all that, I want to say, that along with my parents, I was very blessed to have some caring and giving aunts and uncles who helped to make me who I am today. You are right that the responsibility of raising children to be much more than grade getters or sportsmen is daunting. I feel blessed to have been in a family who understood that and I know that you were equally blessed. So, from my point of view, family matters. I’m so glad that you and your kids now, too, have a caring one.
Lolly, this is so sweet. Part of what I loved about the book was getting a glimpse into life in Arkansas. I always wished I’d been able to spend time there with you all. My dad spoke so fondly of his time there.
Your mom was the true embodiment of a lovely Southern woman and she was a true joy to spend time with — just like the rest of your family. Your parents certainly did things right, and I know you are too. Sending love to all of my wonderful Southern relatives!
Thanks Amy. We’d love for you to come south sometime! Meanwhile, much love to you all. Lolly
Congratulations, Lolly! You’re the winner of this giveaway. I’ll email you separately with details.
I love the approach you took to sharing this book with your readers. Thank you for the link to my “traditional” review. It was a great book, and like you I found myself wondering “what if” and “what can I do to prevent the what if” at many points throughout the story.
Thanks for inspiring me with your lovely review!