10 Things I Learned in Hawaii

It’s true, I’ve been back longer than I was there, but I’m still imagining I’m on the beach with someone refilling my drink before I even have a chance to ask if the glass is half empty (see Lesson #2). So work with me, and together let’s travel to the oh-so sunny and beautiful islands…

Lesson #1: While turtles may lay in the sun to aid in the digestion of their food, it doesn’t work for humans. (Believe me. I was thorough. I attempted this scientific feat four days in a row.)

Lesson #2: At the Four Seasons Hualalai, their main focus is making sure their guests never become dehydrated. They’re as generous about refilling your wine at dinner as your lemon/grapefruit/pineapple water by the pool.

Lesson #3: If someone walked around my house each afternoon offering me a free Otter Pop or chocolate ice cream drops, I’d be a lot more pleasant.

Lesson #4: When you spend your days watching whales breech, dolphin play, and turtles digest (while someone brings you fruity water, sunscreen, Otter Pops, and towels), you don’t even think to turn on your TV.

Lesson #5: When you send 40 highly competitive people on vacation together, you can expect the golf course, lap pool, and late night bar to be filled with defeat. (And cell phones to be filled with potentially incriminating photos.) Let’s just say Lenny purposely over indulged me the night before our big freestyle race was scheduled, so I had to scratch. But, while I was sleeping on the beach, I totally had a dream that I won. I mean, obviously.

Lesson #6: If your husband’s birthday is the same night as the company luau, you can be sure he’ll end up on stage. His outrageously successful moves when up against men in loin cloths, on the other hand, is an unexpected gift for everyone. (I’m pretty sure his boss will ask him to use some of those moves at upcoming sales meetings.)

Lesson #7: A room on the golf course has a lovely view — for both the guests and the golfers. That is, assuming you forget to close the 20 feet of curtains before you hop in and out of the shower. Each. And. Every. Day.

Lesson #8: While tropical scents may relax those of us from the mainland, it seems the locals need something a bit stronger. Each afternoon we’d come back to our freshly cleaned room…and the faint smell of pot.

Lesson #9: While being away from the kids for five days was definitely hard, all it took was a quick call home to feel better. I mean hearing three kids scream and fight over the phone was enough to shock me out of my sentimental thoughts about reality.

Lesson #10: After five days of relaxing, getting spa treatments, and eating fancy meals, I look like (a 6?-month pregnant) Kate Middleton. (According to a lovely, half-blind woman at the airport, that is.) I’m guessing that after about five days of not sleeping, trying to breast feed, and eating nothing but chocolate, she’ll look just like me.

Thanks to Lenny, all of his co-workers, and their significant others for making this getaway so much fun. I say we do it again next month. (Here’s to hoping Lenny’s generous parents and our patient nanny are up for reliving their fun, too.) Until then, aloha!