10 Things I Learned When I Wasn’t in Hawaii

Pre-trip, post-trip, let’s face it, it all blends together. Here are some of the things that have made me smile recently. (Well, I thought they might make you smile, at least.)

Lesson #1: Just when I thought my kids knew all my weaknesses, they proved me wrong. They’re still sure their group chant (which was lead by Pink) of, “Do-nuts, do-nuts!” Followed by, “Let’s go do-nuts, let’s go! Let’s go do-nuts, let’s go!” is what scored them some breakfasty goodness. Yeah, it was that. And definitely not my lack of will power and insane sweet tooth. (And the fact that I don’t plan to wear a bathing suit again any time soon.)

Lesson #2: Little is a chocolatarian. (Or so he declared when I explained what a vegetarian is.)

Lesson #3: I’m making up for the fact that I forget my Safeway coupons every single time by ensuring we get that money back in free cookies. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a baker there who doesn’t know my chocolatarian.

Lesson #4: Just when you think getting a wax can’t get worse, you get a phone call that your kid’s strep test was a false negative. You know, the kid who’s finally back at school after missing two days. And spent a good portion of one of those days telling you the elaborate story about his “friend” who fakes sick so he can miss school. Yeah, not faking, it turns out. This time, at least.

Lesson #5: Asking your kids if they missed you can be dangerous. Unless a completely unemotional so-so shake of the hand is the answer you were hoping for.

Lesson #6: I’m pretty sure it was no coincidence that Pink pulled Totally Desperate Mom off my book shelf and handed it to me almost as soon as I woke up upon my return.

Lesson #7: It took less than 3 waking hours back home for me to have a major mom fail. Fortunately Little’s teacher supplied him with fairy sticker Valentines since I missed the notice (which I later discovered under the way back seat of our chariot) that they’d be exchanging goodies. And while he’s all sports and superheroes now, this former princess lover was surprisingly proud of his sweet little somethings. (Almost as proud as I was grateful…and that’s saying something.)

Lesson #8: Little doesn’t cry, he sweats out his eyes.

Lesson #9: When one kid takes a bad spill and is all cut up and in a panic, it’s best not to have the other kid attempt to calm him with a horrified, “Oh my gosh! You look like a zombie!”

Lesson #10: It’s probably time to check on the kids when one comes inside and says, “Can I have a band-aid? I’m about to get super bloody.”

May your week be less desperate, bloody, and forgetful than mine. By a lot.