15 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 102

My memory is a funny thing. It turns out if I give it some time, it works. A little bit at least. So this week’s lessons include some of last week’s that I thought I’d lost. I know, it’s like an early Mother’s Day gift or something.

Lesson #1: Based on what I witnessed (and perhaps took part in) at our district’s event, I’m pretty sure school auctions should wait until after the open bar and 80’s cover band have been going for awhile to take bids. (And they should auction off a spot on the stage and time with the mic. Supply and demand, people. Supply the alcohol, demand cash for the spotlight, that is.)

Lesson #2: It’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks. Take me, for example. I’ve started a new hobby of cleaning up pup poop off our lawn. (No, we don’t have a dog. But that doesn’t stop me.) Given that Big had to bring Lysol out and spray our front yard before playing the other day, I’m guessing I have room to improve. But the point is I’m out there doing it. Every. Single. Day.

Lesson #3: My kids are all about shattering stereotypes. Little is totally out terrible twoing Pink these days.

Lesson #4: Speaking of shattering, if you want to get the dishes done more quickly, just have your toddler help. Thanks to Pink’s hard work, we now have fewer wine glasses to worry about washing.

Lesson #5: Preschoolers are wise beyond their years. In just four hours, I learned that 1000 isn’t really a number, and that if you like Hello Kitty, there’s this place called Target and they have stuff you can buy everywhere. Also, it’s really, really hard to hop 200 times in a row. (For me, not them.)

Lesson #6: Further proof of a preschooler’s wisdom? Just the thought of being without me brings Little to crocodile tears these days. (Well, that and the side effects of his former allergy medications. Yikes.)

Lesson #7: If at first your kids won’t put away their shoes, try, try to coerce a snail into them. After crunching and squishing his way into his shoes the other morning, I’m pretty sure Big’s considering his closet a better home for his sneakers now. Considering.

Lesson #8: When you’re in kindergarten, the most insulting name you can call someone is “baby”. In first grade, it’s “butt”. I’m getting kind of nervous to discover what the second grade “b” word might be.

Lesson #9: If you can’t find a small piece for your Lego set, don’t give up. Just check your little sister’s nose.

Lesson #10: It’s been a good dinner out when the carseat belt that was loose won’t even buckle at the end of the meal.

Lesson #11: You know your kids got your husband’s athletic abilities when your 4-year old starts a basketball game with you by saying, “Oookkkay, you can play. But we’re going to play hard.”

Lesson #12: Somehow when an Aussie friend tells the kids to go get a sip from the “bubbler”, it doesn’t give me the creeps like when my kids drink out of a water fountain.

Lesson #13: I truly think dictionaries should be written by kids. Because then they would include words like “inventurer”. Now that’s a cool job.

Lesson #14: I have yet another excuse to avoid doing situps. The other day Pink used the opportunity to roll her Matchbox cars off an unusual set of ramps. (Though at this rate, my belly will be the most enticing ramp in no time.)

Lesson #15: When multiple people say, “What a cute dress!” and you turn to your baby girl to say, “What do you say?” — only to discover the compliment was directed at you — it might be time to step up your daily wardrobe. And your expectations.

Happy Cinco de Mayo to you! And, if what my beer-loving brother said about more beer being consumed on this holiday than St. Paddy’s Day is true, please read this again tomorrow. Cheers!