18 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 118

Oh my friends, have I got a treat for you. Two weeks worth of lessons. And in these two weeks, I made three trips to the pediatrician, sent two more kids back to school, kicked off college football season, and took a record number of showers. You know, among other adventures…

Lesson #1: Telling little kids your water is turned off for the day is kind of like going on a diet. Suddenly everyone in the house is dying of thirst, begging to take a bath, or needing to go to the bathroom. Heck, even Pink randomly announced that morning that she wanted to wear underwear and go pee in the non-flushing potty.

Lesson #2: And just like that, Pink totally has this underwear thing down. As long as she wears them over a diaper.

Lesson #3: Apparently having a cold and walking around covering her ears wasn’t a sign that Pink had an ear infection. It was a sign that she has two very loud brothers.

Lesson #4: If you beg for a “car kart”, then fight — and bite — your way through the first few minutes of the grocery shopping, all mama has to serve for dinner is kale. That’ll teach Pink and Little. (Though I’m pretty sure the scab and bruise Pink’s teeth left on Little’s shoulder taught him a little something too.)

Lesson #5: Being a mom of three means getting out the door is h-a-r-d. Just ask Pink, who now insists on bringing a few babydolls — who, of course, need blankets, and bottles, and clothes — everywhere she goes.

Lesson #6: It’s pretty amazing to go to a preschool on the first day and see that, out of the whole entire bunch, only two kids are crying. That is, unless they’re both yours. (No doubt our new preschool is so happy to have us!)

Lesson #7: You think by the third kid, you’ll have seen it all. But Pink broke another family record. Less than 24 hours after her first day of preschool, she had an epic runny nose. (Which fortunately ended as quickly as it started.)

Lesson #8: I’m pretty sure that the hardest part of preschool for Pink will be keeping her pants on. I’m just hoping that’s a quirk she outgrows by college.

Lesson #9: The fact that my boys insist on wearing batting helmets when I pitch has nothing to do with my power (or lack thereof), and everything to do with my accuracy (or lack thereof).

Lesson #10: There are only 77 shopping days until Little’s birthday. But who’s counting? Little. That’s who.

Lesson #11: Pink’s figured out a way to make up for being the little one. She walks around the house with a step stool so she can reach everything the boys can — light switches, snacks, band-aids, breakables…

Lesson #12: They say that the key to great parenting is consistency. So, I must say, I feel really accomplished knowing I’ve taught all three of my kids to say “damn it” by the age of 2-1/2.

Lesson #13: While I like to think I’ve taught my kids a lot about music, I obviously still have some work to do. The other day Big said, “Wait, Elvis is a real person? I thought he was just a character on Full House.”

Lesson #14: Timing is everything. Big fell from a zipline into a prickly bush and scratched up his face. You know, right before picture day at school.

Lesson #15: Just when one kid finally closes and locks the bathroom door when he goes in, the other one figures out how to bust open the lock with a ball pump needle.

Lesson #16: Little girls in ballet dresses are just as cute as little boys in baseball uniforms. (And I have about 30 pictures to prove it.)

Lesson #17: After totally rocking Mommy & Me Ballet (man, I look good in a tutu!), I got super excited when I overheard the boys in the garage shouting, “Ball change. Ball change.” Turns out that’s a baseball phrase too. So much for that family tap routine I was choreographing.

Lesson #18: Someone with my name who lives in Minnesota is going to be really busy this week. I not only signed up to be den mother for her son’s Boy Scout troop, I RSVPed yes to a very fun-sounding party, and set up an in-person conference with her son’s teacher. I mean, after two years of receiving her emails, it’s like I know these people. I can’t let them down.

Now, go chassé your way through a week of fun with happy little people and lovely big people, damn it.