15 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 119

You might think that getting back into the predictable routine of a new school year wouldn’t lend itself to much material. But the strange thing is, this “routine” is proving to be anything but predictable. Funny, but not predictable.

Lesson #1: Any delusions that you’re looking pretty ok these days are quickly dashed when you tweet a picture of yourself, and the next time you sign in to Twitter, all of your new followers are plastic surgeons and anti-aging cosmetic pushers. (And I’m not just talking one or two…)

Lesson #2: Having your disrobed kid play with stickers while waiting for his turn in the shower may seem like a great idea in theory, but it’s actually not so much in practice.

Lesson #3: Picture day is one of the five days a year I regret letting my kids pick out their clothes (for the most part) 360 days a year.

Lesson #4: If you ever want to know the truth about what goes on around here, come hang out in Pink’s room during “nap time”. Here’s a sampling of what I heard her saying to her baby dolls one day. “You ok, honey? You get hit wif baseball? Aww.” “No, no uppies. You can walk.” “You go nigh-nigh now, sweetie. NO crying in your crib!” “No! [crash] No! [crash] I fight you!”

Lesson #5: If your daughter is going to be princess obsessed (yes, I see the irony), it’s pretty great to know that the main thing she’s learned from Sofia — her favorite — is what I hear her singing all the time: “There is not anything I cannot do!” (She may have the lyrics wrong, but the sentiment, well, that’s right on.)

Lesson #6: Even if you walk out of Mommy and Me Ballet on a sweet baby girl high, you can’t help but think maybe a different dance class would be more appropriate for your little mover and shaker when she hops in the car and begs to listen to the KidzBop version of Thrift Shop — “Louder!!!” Wha-wha-wha-what?

Lesson #7: Apparently second grade is when boys learn bad words on the bus, can apply to be ball shack workers at recess, master armpit farts, and grow second stomachs. I’m pretty sure if Big keeps this stuff up, he’ll be a 7-foot tall, potty mouth baller by the end of the year. Assuming he can get his hands out of his shirt, of course.

Lesson #8: Now that they’re adjusting to being away from me at preschool, my feisty Little and precious Pink are making up for lost time by clocking quality hours with me in the middle of the night. (So much for that no crying in your crib thing…)

Lesson #9: While I suspected Little and Pink would love seeing each other occasionally on the playground, I didn’t suspect that being torn apart when they go back to their separate classrooms would be the most upsetting part of their days.

Lesson #10: I’m pretty sure that crying through his entire hip hop class — while fully participating and reporting that it was “lots of fun!” — didn’t help Little establish street cred week one.

Lesson #11: There’s something very therapeutic about pretending to be a growing flower with two precious little ballerina cousins. (While their tough big brothers tackle each other along side you.)

Lesson #12: If you’re planning to have a kids’ picnic dinner on the lawn, don’t send the dog outside while you’re making up dinner plates in the kitchen. That is if you want the picnic blanket to be your territory.

Lesson #13: Pink has proven she’s just as hard headed as the boys. Just ask my mom’s nose.

Lesson #14: While being a Bruin fan was pretty great this weekend, I’m guessing it was even better being a Bruin fan in Nebraska with a bunch of buddies while your Bruin fan wife was at home with your three kids. (I’ll be able to confirm this late, late, late tonight.)

Lesson #15: You know it was a less-than-stellar-mothering morning when taking your three kids to the movies alone and the highlight of the outing was that you didn’t cry (due to your kids’ behavior, that is — I mean obviously Despicable Me 2 brought me to tears).

This week, keep that chin up, that mouth clean, and that anti-aging goodness coming my way.

PS- If you tend to find my posts on Facebook, I hope you’ll consider subscribing to my blog (see, over there in the right hand column?). You’ll get an email each time I write something new and you won’t have to anxiously troll FB waiting for my posts. Oh, wait, you don’t do that? Hmm. Well, either way…