14 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 120

If I had a nickle for every time I nodded off writing this (see Lesson #14), I could have paid back the tooth fairy for the cold hard cash she left Big last night (see Lesson #9).

Lesson #1: Getting the toy baskets organized also means facing reality. Gone are the baby toys, and based on the favorites left behind, I’m pretty sure Pink is now 2 going on 13.

Lesson #2: Because this little girl is growing up far too quickly, I’ll forgive her for wanting to sleep with me on the couch in the middle of the night now and then. Staring at her sweet baby face in the moonlight makes the exhaustion well worth it. (Feel free to remind me of this when I’m yawning next time I see you…)

Lesson #3: While she may want me at 3am, come 10am, Pink can’t get rid of me fast enough. The other day when our nanny came, she opened the front door and shouted, “Go to work!”

Lesson #4: If I thought we went through a lot of diapers and wipes before, now that all of Pink’s baby dolls seem to be having some serious stomach problems, it’s time to consider buying stock in P&G.

Lesson #5: Big is in 2nd grade. Little is in Pre-K. And Pink is in “Pre-garten”.

Lesson #6: While it’s great to hear that your little girl is making a new friend at pre-garten, it’s a little less great when you discover it’s the boy you just saw barfing in the parking lot.

Lesson #7: In Pre-K, it seems the secret to making 4-year-old-boy friends is by hurling balls at each other.

Lesson #8: The only thing more upsetting than discovering your first born knows there’s a “bad-word finger” is catching him directing it at you.

Lesson #9: The fact that Big has lost 3 of his 7 teeth in the middle of the night is proof that he’s almost as active asleep as when he’s awake.

Lesson #10: While that toothless grin is cute — and a bit toothless-er now — it’s kind of like having a newborn again. The poor kid can only eat liquified solids and food cut up into tiny pieces.

Lesson #11: Little is about to blow some minds in Vegas. He’s figured out a sure way to predict who’s going to win each PAC-12 game. He takes the mini helmets of the opposing teams and bangs them against each other until one of the face masks comes off. Bang, loser. I’m pretty sure it’s foolproof.

Lesson #12: There’s nothing like getting all dolled up in a 50’s-style skirt for a Grease theme party, then walking out to show your kid who says, “Who are you? Minnie Mouse?”

Lesson #13: There’s nothing we won’t do to improve our children’s public education. We donate a whole lot of “recommended” money. We give of our time for various volunteer roles. We get dressed up in wonderfully ridiculous costumes. We consume outrageous amounts of Cheez Whiz and soft serve. And we spend hours (unsuccessfully) attempting to hit tiny little white balls into big red cups. Now that’s dedication to the kids, I tell you.

Lesson #14: Dedication to the kids is hard on this old body.

Ok, I’m off to nap now. You know, for the children.