12 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 123

It was a great week around here for people who like pumpkin patches (complete with the chaos of parent paparazzi, dirty-dirty hay rides, and haunted houses…oh, and cute kids), wild imaginations, UCLA football, and getting physical.

Lesson #1: Even though our house had plenty of opinions before, I can’t help but enjoy that Pink chimes in now. Like when Little asked what he should take for sharing. She thought long and hard, “Ummm, socks!” Genius. (At least Little thought so.)

Lesson #2: Pink loves her class pets. Apparently beyond the fish and turtle I knew about, they also have a monkey. And an elephant. I sure hope they don’t ask students to pet-sit over the breaks.

Lesson #3: If you’re looking for a job, Pink is hiring. After telling her I wasn’t her personal assistant the other day, she quickly replied with, “You’re fired!” (If I can’t get a taker here, I’m thinking of posting it on Maybrooks.)

Lesson #4: I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single book out there that endorses wearing underpants on top of a diaper as a potty training technique. Yet.

Lesson #5: Each of my kids has a number of talents I will happily pour cash into, but at this point, art isn’t one of them. So please, please, please dear elementary school, stop sending home a drawing of my son’s that I can magically turn into a tshirt, iPhone cover, mousepad, or 101 billboard. I’d rather waste that money on Little League photos. They’re a lot easier to lose in a closet.

Lesson #6: Little and I got some great bonding time this week on his field trip to the pumpkin patch. I got to spend a couple hours watching him take off with his buddies and run through the haunted house. Over and over and over… While I’d typically be waiting for witch-phobia to set in, I’m pretty sure he couldn’t see a thing at the speeds he was going.

Lesson #7: It seems one of the haunted house ghosts piggy backed home. (Or our ghost is back.) A toy that broke long ago suddenly started playing music by itself for a few minutes the other night, then immediately stopped working again. (Why we still have a toy that broke a long time ago — out in the family room, no less — is an entirely different problem.)

Lesson #8: When your kid comes running out to the waiting area upset, saying his “tummy hurts too much” to do hip hop class, you should patiently talk him through it and encourage him to get back out there and have fun. That, or ditch class and head next door to buy him a pizza for dinner. (Yes, even moms have days when their “tummy hurts too much” to battle through.)

Lesson #9: Little and I have very different ideas of what might be a “pleasant surprise”. While I thought walking to a neighborhood lemonade stand would give him a thrill, his guess as to what it was? “Ooh, is it a dead snake?! That would be a good surprise.” Um, how about some dead lemons?

Lesson #10: No matter how ridiculously creative your very literal child gets on a crazy whim, don’t allow yourself to get so caught up in the moment that you don’t think about the fact that using superglue on a paper towel might take the finish off your granite counter.

Lesson #11: While I appreciate the safety-first approach my boys seem to have these days, I’m pretty sure there’s not a single activity I’d endorse that requires them to be wearing bike helmets in the house.

Lesson #12: When your kids (yeah, the same ones from Lesson #11), invent a game with a cutesy name like “Pouncies”, don’t be surprised if the objective of the game is for anyone to tackle any other player at any other time. Or something like that.

Little’s waiting for me to play a game of Uno with him now. Here’s to hoping it’s the traditional form of the game. Or not…