Ah, December — the month of hope, anticipation, parent-teacher conferences, holiday parties, and tantrums. (Hopefully not all at the same time.)
Lesson #1: Our
creepy elf is the one who should be getting coal this year, if you ask me. My kids keep coming home from school after talking to their friends asking why our elf doesn’t leave presents, hang from the ceiling, or make them breakfast. Well, because he’s obviously not up to the job, my friends. Obviously.
Lesson #2: Pink isn’t just acting grown up these days, she’s feeling it. The other day — out of the blue — she shouted, “I’m almost big, Mommy! I’m almost as tall as Uncle B!” Almost. Just a few more feet to reach 6’8″, my sweets.
Lesson #3: My idea of a magical holiday season is the perfect blend of Amy Grant and Clark Griswold. So far, so good.
Lesson #4: Early dismissal week reminded me that there’s a very good reason 7-year olds go to school all day. And it’s not just to learn.
Lesson #5: Just having the homemaker spirit take over doesn’t guarantee success. When I went to peel the sweet potatoes for my friend’s yummy lentil soup recipe, they were actually jicama (or is it jicamas…see?!). And the brownies I made? They were actually a brick.
Lesson #6: All of the dolls and stuffed animals that have been in Pink’s clutches lately can vouch for the fact that mistletoe is not necessary in our house.
Lesson #7: Why is Christmas better than Halloween? Well, according to Little it’s because you get toys with your candy. (We’ll be talking a bit more about the true meaning of Christmas this week.)
Lesson #8: Making your kids wear pants to school on a 28-degree morning is a modern-day form of torture.
Lesson #9: The nice thing about a left-handed girl with a right-handed mom is that you can hold hands while eating bowls of cereal.
Lesson #10: I may need to tone down the nicknames around here. Pink has now taken to talking to the boys like me, “You coming inside now, honey love?”
Lesson #11: When the nurse spells “f-l-u-s-h-o-t” in front of your second grader, chances are he’ll know exactly what she’s talking about — and be none too pleased. If it’s my second grader, chances are there will be screaming and crying throughout his little brother’s well check in anticipation of the big event, sending all three kids into screaming fits by the end of the appointment. Only to have the boys say it didn’t hurt after all.
Lesson #12: When all three of your kids’ teacher conferences include words like ‘pleasure’ and ‘delight’, you can’t help but feel good. That is, until you get home to find them screaming and throwing balls at each other. It’s a shame those meetings only last 10-30 minutes.
Lesson #13: If you saw Pink’s newly acquired split chin (not stitch-worthy, luckily), mangled tongue, chipped front tooth, and bruised forehead, you might think she had one bad spill this week. You’d be wrong. She had three. (I’m just hoping the silver lining here is that she remembers the pain around the age her friends start talking about tongue piercings.)
Lesson #14: If you’re looking for a Christmas present for my kids, may I recommend a dreidel? The one Big got as his friends’ Hanukkah party has been a big (fight inducing) hit around here. Then again, the fact that the little ones yell, “Bruins!” as it stops spinning makes me think they may not be playing quite right.
Lesson #15: There’s nothing like going up 31 floors in an exterior glass elevator to remind you that San Francisco is one of the most earthquake-prone cities in the world. Then again, there’s nothing like waking up to a panoramic view of the Golden Gate Bridge, Coit Tower, the Transamerica building, and sailboats on the Bay to remind you why it’s also one of the most beloved ones.
Lesson #16: It turns out that when you learn all the words to the latest hits by listening to KidzBop CDs, you kind of lose your cool factor singing along with your husbands’ youngster colleagues who know the actual lyrics.
Lesson #17: You know it was a good company holiday party when you find confetti stuck to you the next morning — after showering.
Lesson #18: This is the first year all three of our kids managed to keep the vast majority of the gingerbread house candy on the table (or in their mouths). This is also the first year that I dropped a bowl full of candy all over the floor while cleaning up.
I don’t know about you, but I could use a hefty glass of extra-special eggnog right about now. (While listening to Amy’s Love Has Come, of course.) Cheers — to you and your delightfully mischievous little ones.