14 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 135

Lenny got older. I got tired-er. And the kids got sassier. Yep, it was a week to remember around here. (No matter how hard I try to forget most of it.)

Lesson #1: The best part of the Olympics is watching your child’s eyes light up as he watches some of the world’s best athletes go for the gold. Little enjoyed one event so much, he told his teacher all about it. What did he have to say? Um, that he enjoyed watching the girls shake their butts. Thank you, figure skating, for ensuring that my little boy is now one step closer to becoming a man.

Lesson #2: It seems we could all use a refresher course around here on “right” and “wrong”. Because, while nobody seemed to think the figure skating giggles were an issue, when Little was reading a very G-rated book aloud in the car, Pink kept reprimanding him, “This is not appropriate!”

Lesson #3: Pink is really into irony right now. When she was “reading” her ballet story aloud to her dolls the next day, it went a little something like this, “…and then she pooped all over her pants.” (Spoken like a little girl who refuses to be potty trained, I guess.)

Lesson #4: At least the music choices I make for our kids are a (teeny tiny) bit more appropriate than I thought. When Little overheard us talking about Jay-Z as Lenny opened one of his most thoughtfully purchased birthday presents, he said, “Jay-Z? Yeah, yeah. Isn’t he on Wild Kratts?”

Lesson #5: Considering I came this close (think really, really close) to forgetting to register Little for kindergarten, I’m pretty sure that by the time it’s Pink’s turn, she’s going to have to walk to the school to do it for herself. (Which kind of works in her favor, actually. Given how very un-smoothly our previous experiences have gone, I’m pretty sure she won’t want to be associated with me anyway.)

Lesson #6: There are days I wish a camera crew were following me around, because I’m pretty sure you can’t make this stuff up. What stuff? The kind of days where I picked up a hysterical Pink from preschool who, apparently, was set off by a police officer visiting their class and hadn’t calmed down all. day. long. Then she started shouting that her ear hurt and continued to scream and cry through all of Little’s kindergarten registration appointment. So much so, that the women working each station were running to me so they could get me out of there faster. (See?! But at least a toddler having a fit was a bit more “appropriate” than the year I cried through the whole thing because I misunderstood the paperwork requirements and was going to have to come back with two little boys in tow and a very pregnant belly…on a rainy day.) Anyways…I then got her a doctor’s appointment that required me to pick up Big early, where I got trapped in the parking lot because it was early dismissal day and cars were starting to line up 25 minutes early. After getting the school staff to help me clear out a bunch of angry moms so we could get to the pediatrician, the doctor confirmed that Pink had an ear infection. So we went to get antibiotics and smoothies (obviously), then Little spilled his all over our front porch as soon as we got home. And it only went downhill from there. (The day, not the smoothie. The smoothie was smeared all over our doormat and porch thanks to two little boys and a package of wet wipes.)

Lesson #7: I can now add the simplest of slice-and-bake cookies to the list of things I’m no longer allowed to volunteer to bring to school parties.

Lesson #8: Our kids were all so excited to do Valentines this year. Right up until the point they were actually supposed to do them. (Thank goodness we didn’t do DIY goodies this year!)

Lesson #9: When you glance at your email and see a note from someone you don’t know that they just left something on your (sticky) front porch, you can’t help but pray that they didn’t hear what was going on inside. Then you can’t help but wonder if you should reevaluate your parenting approach.

Lesson #10: When you live in the burbs, getting a parking ticket in your own front yard is kind of a slap in the face. Especially on your birthday. (Which may explain Pink’s reaction to the police showing up in her classroom…)

Lesson #11: While poetry has never really been my thing, hearing Big and his classmates read theirs aloud was truly spectacular. They made me laugh, they made me cry, they made me think, and they made me wish I could go to a writing conference where I learned half as much as they have this year.

Lesson #12: Sometimes when your to-do list is so long your head is spinning, you should spend a morning at the park. Your happy kids will remind you that everything else can wait.

Lesson #13: I couldn’t help but think I was pretty clever to come up with a (wildly unsuccessful, but entertaining) potty training song called “Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Pee”. Right up until the point Pink decided to belt it out through a good portion of the grocery store today.

Lesson #14: When your local grocery store decides to move everything around to “create a better experience for shoppers”, they should be required to provide a tour guide for the regulars who can’t. find. anything. (And a glass of wine for those of us who braved the disaster with our toddler singing an outrageously inappropriate song — that didn’t seem to be making the angry shoppers happier, for some reason. Though Big and I, well, we might have shed a few laughing tears.)

Get on out there this week and have some fun. Read, laugh, sing, play… But whatever you do, keep it clean, would ya?