12 Things I Learned This Week, Vol 136

Why, hello again! Did you miss me? Wait, what? You didn’t notice it had been, like, forever in parent years since I posted here? Well, it has. And there’s more to come this week. But I figured I’d ease you back in with some important lessons I learned while I was deep in muck, snow, and sports.

Lesson #1: Sometimes it takes a trip to the zoo with your own little animals to make them seem a bit more civilized.

Lesson #2: When you map out your day around arriving at a cafe come lunchtime, it’s best to confirm that cafe will actually be open. Extreme hunger doesn’t help with the whole civilization thing (for me, that is).

Lesson #3: If you take your kid tubing in the snow, beware of “tracks” that curve near the top, but don’t have a snow wall to help the tube you shove full-speed ahead actually round the curve. Otherwise, chances are, it — along with your most precious little one — will off-road down a cliff into a bunch of trees. (Don’t worry, my friend’s daughter is ok, though it may have taken a year or two off my friend’s life.)

Lesson #4: When you can’t seem to stand how big your babies are getting, taking a hike through vast open space and some of the world’s largest sequoia trees helps put their littleness back in perspective.

Lesson #5: Pink still has a few things to learn. Like, just because she puts her hand in front of her face, doesn’t mean that I can’t see her picking her nose.

Lesson #6: You can’t help but feel you’ve failed your fashionista, book-loving daughter — in multiple ways — when you get out of the car at the mall and she says, “We’re going to the library now?” (Then again, maybe she’s just caught on to the fact that I return almost everything I buy there.)

Lesson #7: There’s not a school day that arrives without Lenny or I having to wake up Big at 6:15am. And there’s not a weekend that arrives where he doesn’t return the favor.

Lesson #8: I think we might need to spend a little bit less time on the Disney Channel, and a bit more time on the news. Not only did Little want to print out a picture of Ross Lynch (of Austin & Ally and R5 fame) so his stylist would get his cut right this week, he then saw a picture of the (current) President with his pup and said, “Hey, did you know George Washington has a dog?!” (I actually blame Austin & Ally for having an Obama look alike on the show, but never calling him by name. I mean, talk about a missed teaching opportunity.)

Lesson #9: It’s a good thing my mom slipped a five-dollar bill in Pink’s Valentine’s Day card. Someone had to pay the babysitter this week!

Lesson #10: As a volunteer at Big’s school during an awesome day where the kids got to learn all kinds of things about India, I couldn’t help but gain new appreciation for the culture, too. I also gained a new appreciation for American culture. I mean, we think Little League games are long. Just imagine if our kids were into cricket. Those matches can last 4-5 days!

Lesson #11: While we sure do need all this rain, I’m pretty sure Big’s baseball team could use a practice or two before their first game, too.

Lesson #12: It’s kind of amazing how two brothers, who spend their entire days tackling and stealing balls from each other, get on the basketball court and suddenly become all generous about personal space.

Now, try and pretend that something — anything — I said was remotely as entertaining as Ellen on the Academy Awards tonight. Please. And, remember…Whatever this week holds for you, it’s ok to Be. Aggressive. B-E aggressive.