The following post was inspired by the book Dad is Fat, by comedian Jim Gaffigan. Jim riffs on his adventures co-parenting 5 kids (yes, 5!) in a two-bedroom (yes, 2!) Manhattan apartment. Join From Left to Write on April 22nd as we discuss Dad Is Fat. As a member of this blogger book club, I received a free copy for the purposes of this post (which contains an Amazon affiliate link).
It’s 8am on Easter morning…
Me: Pink, stop opening that piece of candy. We’re all done with candy for now. [not stopping] Stop it. Right. Now. [still not stopping] Do you want a timeout?
Pink: Yes.
Me: Seriously? You want a timeout?
Pink: Yes. And then I’ll eat this chocolate in my crib.
Toddlers. Let’s be honest, they kind of rule the world. (Ok, one toddler in particular is kind of ruling my world these days.) It’s our job as parents to set limits, to teach them right from wrong, and to teach them to respect authority. And, truth be told, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t dramatically mess up (at least) one of those things. Because I’m tired. And I want a timeout, too.
Here’s how I see it. In this scenario, Pink wins no matter what. She either gets the chocolate (which of course she doesn’t, because when this mama lays down the law, well, sometimes she even follows through), or she goes in her room for a few minutes of quiet time to regain her composure. Both kinda sound like heaven to me.
It’s true, most days I’d give up a piece of chocolate in a heartbeat if you’d tuck me into my bed and tell me not to come out again until I’m feeling like I can face the world with a new attitude. And you know what? I’ve heard you should take a minute for every year old you are. That means I need 23 minutes, you guys. Yes, 23 glorious minutes of alone time for losing my cool.
But here’s the thing. If I sent myself to my room for a timeout, this little girl would not only eat more chocolate, she’d likely do it in the middle of the street while juggling knives. That’s what toddlers do. They’re crazed maniacs in deceptively adorable packages. And you know what moms do? They constantly try — though often fail — to stay one step ahead of the little animals.
It’s no easy task. And it can have a dramatic effect on this a mom’s energy level and attitude. So forgive me if almost all the time sometimes I seem to be throwing a tantrum when I should simply be using kind words.
I just really need a timeout.
Or chocolate.
Hilarious!…lol. Maybe you need to be a stand up comedian! I kind of like your idea of one minute for each year. I would get 55 glorious minutes!!!! *sigh* that would be a dream come true and my toddlers are 28 and 33 years of age. They say it gets easier in time, ummm, how much time???
Thanks Amy for stopping by my blog and commenting. I’m sorry for your loss as well. Thank goodness we have our memories of our dads! Thinking back to some of the shenanigans I got into, maybe it’s best my dad didn’t write a book! 🙂
Good point, Alicia! Thanks so much for your kind words. Oh, and truth be told, I might get (a lot) more than 23 minutes too. 😉
I relish every minute that my 4yo is in preschool. I’m with you. I’m tired too. But we’ll power through, right?
Absolutely! With a smile. And chocolate.
LOL! I love this! I work as a Nanny and currently have my 2 year old, their nearly 2 year old, and their 7 month old. There are actually times that I declare a time out for me. I can totally admit when I am being too picky or unreasonable. I put the gates up and head to the other room for chocolate. Also, I HATE when toddlers backfire on us. You’re not supposed to answer yes to that question!
Oh my gosh! Next time I’m tired, I’m going to think of you. You EARN those time outs, I have no doubt!
My toddler thinks timeouts come with toys, I need my own timeout and chocolate too.
Sounds like you’ve earned one!
Oh my WORD is she too smart for her own good. I love it – but only because she’s yours and not mine 😉 But then again, I have one who has that same too smart logic sometimes. Oops. Here’s hoping you get your timeout soon.
Ha, thanks Michelle!