10 Things I Learned Somewhat Recently, Vol 140

It’s only been a few weeks (maybe a month?) since my last lessons post, but my goodness, so much has changed. Big got all dressed up in a sport coat and tie, and now he can take communion at church (which he’s not so happy to announce, tastes like cardboard). Little had about 368 tantrums at home, while somehow maintaining his super-cool status among his preschool buddies. And Pink turned three(!?). (There may have been a nail-biter Little League playoff game resulting in a last-minute win, preschool Mother’s Day events and field trips, elementary school Open House, a toddler EKG and echocardiogram — she’s fine, and a few other things in the mix too.) It’s a good thing I picked a quiet month to focus on my book, right?

Lesson #1: Hearing 5-year-old boys at a play date write their own rap is pretty much the reason I had kids.

Lesson #2: Big not only wins the prize for best gardener in the family (thanks to the great plots they have at school), he also wins most innovative. He recently came home with some lavender sachets he made to store in Pink’s stinky shoes. (Though I hate to report, we all agree something stronger is necessary.)

Lesson #3: The upside to getting to your kid’s baseball game 20 minutes across town, only to discover that he’s left his glove at home, is getting to sit in an air-conditioned car for an extra 45 minutes on a 98-degree day.

Lesson #4: As if getting to go away with a few special girlfriends for a night isn’t wonderful enough, coming home to discover you missed a night of a kid barfing is that much more rewarding. (Looks like someone earned an extra-special Father’s Day gift.)

Lesson #5 (pictured): It’s important for dads to be in charge sometimes. Otherwise your plunger might just sit collecting dust in a closet.

Lesson #6: If you set science to music and even have a sense of humor about it, I actually enjoy the subject. Big’s class did an awesome musical about life cycles at open house that I’m pretty sure should air on PBSKids. Who knew my archenemy, pollen, could be so adorably entertaining?

Lesson #7: While I always thought it would be Little, it turns out Pink is going to be the class clown of the family. When she decided to wear her itty bitty bikini top over her ballet dress for class, she turned to me and said, “Take a picture. I look perryious!” (For those of you who don’t speak toddler, perryious = hilarious.)

Lesson #8: When you get out of the shower to discover the blueberries and scrambled eggs your little ones begged for are now decorating the entire dining room, it’s hard to keep your composure. And when they continue to belly laugh through the punishment, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll survive their teenage years.

Lesson #9: I should be very nervous when Little runs in the house yelling, “That was awesome!” (Even if the eggs and blueberries are safe in the fridge.)

Lesson #10: In case I hadn’t seen the signs, I’m in for the “worst year of my life”. Or so I was told by a little boy at Big’s baseball game who heard it was Pink’s 3rd birthday that day. Since his brother shared a birthday and was turning 4, he’d just been deep in the trenches and assured me that I was about to face some seriously upsetting challenges.

We’re almost there, people. The end of the school year is within reach. Best of luck to you as you play off, wind down, party plan, and pack those last lunches filled with the greatest amount of prepackaged goodness you can get your hands on. You’ve got this. (Because if you don’t, who does?)