A Bunch of Stuff I Learned This Month, Vol 142

My goodness, we hit the ground running/swimming/snorkeling/reminiscing/celebrating this summer. And while I haven’t been writing weekly lessons posts, I have been taking notes. So here are my jumbled lessons from our adventures along the way. So far. The summer’s only just begun, right? (Gulp.)

Lesson #1: While I couldn’t agree more that Pink rocks her new favorite style—maxi dresses—they’re not an especially convenient choice for a newly potty-trained girl.

Lesson #2: There are days I feel pretty impressed with my uptight self for letting Pink walk out the door in an outfit and hairdo she’s created all on her own—no matter how crazy and messy she looks. That is until I arrive with my disheveled daughter at preschool to discover it’s the day the school district is sending a team of specialists in to observe her. (And judge me…)

Lesson #3: There actually is a measure for proving you’ve over-committed yourself. It’s the point when you find you’ve gone out in public with your shirt/dress on backwards. Three times in one week.

Lesson #4: After hearing that Little and his friends gave each other back massages at recess, I can understand why he was so upset about school ending. I’ll sacrifice myself for the cause if it makes him feel better, though.

Lesson #5: As if another birthday and a 20-year high school reunion weren’t enough to make you feel old, having your 3-year old walk up to you and say, “Hi, old lady!” kind of seals the deal.

Lesson #6: And then, to twist the knife, your 8-year old tells you about a girl he knows and declares, “She says ‘totally’ all the time. She’s from, like, the 19th century or something.” (Apparently the excessive use of “like” has stood the test of time, though.)

Lesson #7: Thanks to Little’s confidence in all he learned at preschool, bath time has turned into alphabet bootcamp for Pink. “Come on, you know this one!” (Well, she will soon enough. Or else…)

Lesson #8: It’s really sweet when your son is so proud of the weeds flowers he picked for you that he writes his name in Sharpie on your vase. (Yeah, sweet…that’s what it is.)

Lesson #9: There’s no better way to kick off summer than to leap into the deep end of a pool holding your buddies’ hands, declaring it a “friendship jump”.

Lesson #10: When putting away the clean dishes, it’s a bit disturbing to discover you accidentally used the kids’ well-loved paint brush—rather than the usual pastry brush—to season the chicken for last night’s dinner.

Lesson #11: If you ask me, nothing teaches your kids to swim better than throwing them in an ocean-side pool (and/or the actual ocean) for 8 days straight. I mean, Little’s run-from-the-pool-to-the-hot-tub technique is unbeatable.

Lesson #12: When all you offer is one bathroom tucked away behind the pool shops, and frequently have a “closed for cleaning” sign out front, it’s like you’re asking people to pee in the pool. (At least that’s what I’m hoping all the people in the hotel Starbucks were thinking when Pink walked in to announce, “I peed in the pool!” One kind lady told me I should write the incident down and put it in a book. Little did she know…)

Lesson #13: You know vacation is nearing the end when Little declares, “I’m never going to eat another french fry!”

Lesson #14: Little got my shopping gene. As we cruised through the third souvenir shop on our last night in Maui, he shouted, “Let’s just get something and get out of here!”

Lesson #15: You know you’ve made your mark on the island when you stumble walk up to the boarding gate to get on your sold-out flight and the woman taking tickets says, “You must be the Heinz family.”

Lesson #16: After a week of vacation with my family, I learned that my mom can still rock a water slide with the best of us, my brother gives awesome pool piggy back rides (and snorkeling tube rides), and my sister-in-law-to-be has a new 3-year-old stalker. Yes, Operation Sneed Family Takes On Maui was a huge success.

Lesson #17: Even though I turned a year older the day before my 20-year high school reunion, I still look just like I did in high school. At least that’s what all the other people from my class who also got old like me said. And I not only returned the compliment, I believed it. (Maybe our vision was the first thing to go?)

Lesson #18: When we can’t pay for Pink’s college, I’m going to remind her of all the boxes of bandaids she went through for no apparent reason.

Lesson #19: When Pink turns 4, she wants to be a boy. Why? So she can be just like Little. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I can barely handle one of him.

Lesson #20: While it can be really fun to have overly observant kids, it doesn’t come without its disappointments. Like when you pull away from the car wash and your daughter declares, “There’s still bird poop on my window!”

Lesson #21: In case you were trying to figure out how to defeat Little’s superhero powers, broccoli is his worst enemy, and greek yogurt is his second.

Lesson #22: I honestly don’t understand why some families spend loads of money on summer camps. My kids are perfectly content trying to kill each other all day.

Goodness knows I missed a bunch of good, bad, and hilarious stuff, so stay tuned…