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Slice-of-life stories about parenthood

A Mom’s Day in Tweets, #motherhoodunfiltered

A Mom’s Day in Tweets, #motherhoodunfiltered

August 27, 2014 by Amy, Using Our Words 5 Comments

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I mean, it’s not like I’m a social media addict. But if I were, and I live tweeted my day, it might look a little something like this. Yes, my friends, this is my version of #motherhoodunfiltered.

 

You. Guys. It’s *way* too early. Go back 2 bed. #itsstilldarkoutside

Great, now u woke ur sister up. #iusebadgrammarat5am

It’s ur brother’s turn 2 pick the cartoon. #notheotherbrother

I know, I know. You’re far too grown up for cartoons now. I meant “show”. #pleasedontpickKickinIt

Ooh, good pick. I’ll stay & cuddle w/someone. Anyone. #teamAustinandAlly

Don’t worry, I wasn’t watching anyway. No, really, I wasn’t. Yeah, I’ll get u some milk. #anothergallongone

Ok, u can put the lid on the sippy cup all by yourself. #spillnumberone

Sure, u can sit in my lap. #allthatmilkaintlight

Stop fighting. You can *both* sit in my lap. After all, I have 2 legs. #andvaricoseveins

Oops, have 2 go pack ur lunches. #andmakebreakfast #nolapforyou #noteendramaforme #butidogetatoddlerhelper #notsohelpful

Ok. That’s enough #QuickPitch boys. TV off. Now. #noreallyturnitoff #now #NOW

1 raisin bread- butter, no crust. 1 raisin bread- butter, w/crust. 1 raisin bread- no butter, tops cut off. #gotit #shortordercook

Sit down. In the middle of your chair. Yes. Now stay there. #formorethan5seconds

Ok, go brush ur teeth, comb ur hair & get dressed. #likewithtoothpasteandacomb

Well, I don’t know where ur shoes are either. #ourhouseisnotthatbig #butyourshoesare

Come on, guys. U should be ready by now. Almost time 2 leave 4 the bus. #andwevebeenupforandhourandahalf

Nice! Love how u found a way to incorporate every single color of the rainbow into ur outfit again. #andpulledyoursocksuptoyourcrotch

Ok, grab ur lunch boxes, pack up ur backpacks & go 2 #Daddy’s car. He’s taking you to the bus again. #stillinmyjammies

Wait! #Pink’s going 2 the bus stop w/u. #withthreedollsafootballandamajorcaseofbedhead

Exhale.

#damnforgotsunscreen

Guess I should do the breakfast dishes now. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

Hi cutie. How was the bus stop? #howmanypeoplegavedetanglingtipstoday

Doing my exercises now. Wanna play w/ur dolls? #pleasesayyes #mamaneedstoburnoffherchardonnay

Well #Pink, sorry I’m not sweating as much as u think I should be while u watch from the couch. #towelplease #andoxygen #andamuzzle

I know u <3 ur babies sooooo much, sweetheart. They <3 u 2. #andsodoesyournotsosweatymama

Ok, I’m gonna hop in the shower. #showerfortwo #notthesexykind

What?! No! Don’t wear a diff outfit 2 school than u wore 2 the bus this am. Pls. Pls. Pls. #fashionista #laundrywhore

Detangler. Comb. Tears. Chase. #repeat

Ok, let’s get going now. Your teachers r waiting for u. #ofcoursetheylllikeyourdress #andsparklyshoes

This button right here. Good job, door’s open. Hop in. #justlikethat #haveyoureadmyminivanmanifesto

They can still c u behind my leg. Why don’t u show #MsTeacher ur shoes? #theyremoreexpensivethanmine

Ok, c u in a bit. I <3 u sooooo much! #dontcry #oriwilltoo #andiputonmakeuptoday

I’ll just check a couple emails. Work on a post or 2. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

Wait, how is it pick-up time already? #stillhaventdonethosebreakfastdishes #ormyhair

Hi, sweetheart. I missed u 2. No way! Tell me more. #ohmyheart #thisgirl

Sure u can have 12 different things that don’t make any sense together 4 lunch. #whatbabywantsbabygets

Wow #Pink, u just talked for 45 mins straight. My stomach muscles r sore. #notfromworkingout #didntsweatenuf #fromlaughing #thisgirl

Nap time. Good night, sleep tight, God bless u. #yesillleavethelighton #andthedooropen

Wonder if her dolls <3 her monologuing in there as much as I do. #doubtit #babydolljustgotatimeout

Now I’ll get to those emails. And posts. #orcheckFacebook #andInstagram #Twittertoo

Wait, it’s *what* time?! #stillhaventdonethosebreakfastdishes #orlunchdishes #ormyhair

Sweetie, time 2 get up 2 go get ur brothers. #thatwaseasy #bedheadround2 #screwit #wewillbetwinsies

Who are all these moms in cute outfits w/makeup & hair done? #nofriendsofmine #shouldhavegonethruthecarpoolline

#pleasedontbecrying #pleasedontbecrying #pleasedontbecrying

Hi, #Little! #smiling #exhale

Hug. #yesplease #kindergartenistough #thisboy

A boy was doing *what* on the playground? Why?! #pleasetellmehesnotyourfriend #mamahaskindergartenfearstoo

Hi, #Big! How was your day? #notayesornoquestion #fineisnotanacceptableanswer #thisboy

Wow, 5th grade homework in 3rd grade? Your teacher does sound tough. #goodluckwiththatkid #imnotsmarterthana5thgrader #ora3rdgrader

Sure, I’ll turn up the music so I can’t ask u any more questions abt ur fine day. #whyugottabesorude #shakeitoff #shakeitoff

Move over Taylor, my girl’s got pipes. #andpersonality #andunrulyblondhair

Snacks. More milk. Breakfast dishes. Lunch dishes. Snack refills. Snack dishes. #littlekidsbigappetites #littlekidsbigmesses #spillnumbertwo

Fine w/me if u boys go tackle each other senseless. #thankgoodnessforbrothers #moregigglesthantears #usually

#tears

Why don’t we go play soccer or baseball outside? #andbyweimeanyou #illblowbubbles

Kicks. Giggles. Pop flies. Giggles. Bubbles. Giggles. Slides. Giggles. Hose. Giggles. #Pinkswateringcanisoverflowing #andsoismyheart

Heading in 2 make dinner. Clean up & come inside in a few. #nuggetswillbewaiting #theyreorganic #notreally

I don’t know when Daddy’s coming home 2nite. Around dinnertime. #repeat #againandagain #andagain

Yay! He’s home. #magic

Tell him what that kid did. And that u were smiling @ pickup. And how ur day was fine. And how ur teacher <3ed ur shoes. #recaptime

Sit! In your chair. With your butt in the middle. Pushed in to the table. Yes, like that. #noreallysitdown

What was 1 funny thing that happened 2 u today? #bodilyfunctionsareoffthetableatthetable #notreally

Seriously. Sit down & stay there. #doineedtostrapyoutoyourchair

What was 1 thing that upset you today? #notincludingme

My job here is done. #foodonplates #convoinfullforce #withasideoflaughter #andwineforme

Shower time. Yep, u can get in together. Keep the water in the tub! #dirtbegone #droughtbegone

You. Guys. Why is the bathroom floor soaking wet?! Out. Now. #everytime #whowillwintheblamegame

Get back in, #Big. Still have soap in ur hair. #everytime #thereisnowaythisisyourbrothersfault

Inhale. #lovethesmellofcleancuddles

It’s ur brother’s turn 2 pick the cartoon. #notheotherbrother

I know, I know. You’re far too grown up for cartoons now. I meant “show”. #pleasedontpickKickinIt

No, no, *no*! #hepickedKickinIt #wouldratherdothedinnerdishes

Storytime, #Pink. #OnMyWaytoBed again? Sure! #whatbabywantsbabygets

Songs. Yes, you can sing this one. All by yourself. #heartmelting #twinkletwinklelittlestar #howiwonderwhatyouare

You are funny. You are smart. You are kind. You are important. And ur Mommy & Daddy <3 u soooo much! #soverytrue

Good night, sleep tight, God bless you. #yesillleavethelighton #andthedooropen #wider #wiiiider

Your turn boys. #nottoobigtocuddle #yet #buttheyreadtomenow

Superhero sheets. Missing teeth. Multiplying freckles. Tired eyes. Racing minds. So big, yet so little. And they’re all mine. #fornow

Their words. My pride. Their backs. My scratches. Their fears. My kisses. #missionaccomplished #peace

Owwww! You. Guys. How many times do I have 2 tell u 2 clean up when ur done playing?! #steppedonaLego

Good night, sleep tight, God bless you. Daddy & I <3 u soooo much. #soverytrue #evenifmyfootisswellinguprightnow

What #Pink? No, nobody’s going to come in ur room 2nite. Yes, because we put a sign on ur door. #postitnotesscarebadguys

Now I’ll get 2 those emails. And posts. #orwatchSYTYCD #andScandal

What’s the matter, #Little? #sureillcomelieinbedwithyou #whatdidwedobeforeDVRs

Finally. Asleep. #lovewatchingthemdream #littleangelsonearth

But my mind’s still racing. #longdaysshortyears #patienceisavirtue #nojoke #doingourbest

Tomorrow will be different. #notreally #hopenotatleast #thatsonethingilearnedtoday

 

Join the conversation. Share honest moments from your day—whether they’re funny, not-so-funny (yet), heartwarming, crazed, etc—on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter too. Tag them #motherhoodunfiltered.

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Filed Under: featured, Mom Musings Tagged With: #MotherhoodUnfiltered, 3rd grade, kindergarten, motherhood, preschool, reality, Twitter

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Comments

  1. Em says

    August 27, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    I LOVED THIS. This is my life. I may or may not have gone to the gym two days in a row and did not wash my hair before pickup today. Shiloh can’t sit in his chair to SAVE HIS EVERLOVING LIFE. Elsie regularly sleeps on the floor in “the brudders’ room.” And no joke, I got a bloody toe kicking a Lego yesterday.

    Reply
    • Amy, Using Our Words says

      August 29, 2014 at 8:14 am

      Ha, it’s amazing what parallel lives we’re leading. Maybe we should just stick our kids together in a room and see what happens. I’m guessing it would be pretty darn entertaining…

      Reply
  2. Sarah Maizes says

    August 30, 2014 at 10:37 am

    This might be one of my favorite blog posts ever. And not just because of On My Way to Bed! HILARIOUS! And sooooooooo my life!

    Reply
    • Amy, Using Our Words says

      August 31, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      Thanks so much, Sarah! Love that I can make one outrageously funny lady laugh!

      Reply

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I’m Amy, the girl next door. I’m your average obsessive mom/ happy wife/ freelance copywriter/ slice-of-life blogger/ social media addict/ chocolate lovin’ wino. Read More…

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