15 Things I Learned, Um, Lately

If you go to blogging conferences and read blogs about…well, blogs, you know that you should 1) post daily, 2) post themed writing (like my lessons) on the same day each week, and 3) hmm, I don’t remember. (No wonder I stopped going to conferences…) As much as I love following rules, I have things like snails, playdates, baseball games, and ballet lessons to distract me from them. So, on this random Wednesday, I bring you a lessons post made up of a bunch of stuff that’s happened—not just this week, but lately.

Lesson #1: You know your kid’s a glass-half-full type when he comes home from a dental appointment enthusiastically declaring that he only needs to brush seven of his teeth better…and he just so happens to be missing four others.

Lesson #2: And when you leave the ENT and your daughter says, “That was the best time ever!”, you have to appreciate how low the bar is set for a thrill in your family.

Lesson #3: If you promise your kid you’ll buy him a toy when he stops biting nails, keep in mind it will very likely be when the tooth fairy is also showering him in gifts. It’s surprisingly hard to bite with no teeth. (It is not, however, hard to talk your mom into an outrageously pricey Giants bobble head as a reward with no teeth.)

Lesson #4: I have to admit, I totally get why parents brag when their kid is an overachiever. (Of course I wouldn’t do that, but let’s just say that when a special someone was asked to bring a snail to school, he showed up with 14—and that was after giving four slimy somethings to our good friend who teaches a different kindergarten class.)

Lesson #5: When I walk in, unannounced, to Little’s class and see a huge smile appear on his face, it almost—almost—makes me wish I could volunteer in his kindergarten class more. Well, that, and kids saying things like, “My dog likes to be naked all the time.”

Lesson #6: You know you listen to Radio Disney too much (and think way too highly of yourself as a blogger) when you see an email from “Nick Jones” in your inbox and you get all excited that Nick Jonas wants to work with you.

Lesson #7: Speaking of Radio Disney, the other day they were having listeners call in to share the most embarrassing things their parents do. Turns out I’m totally nailing it.

Lesson #8: I’m pretty sure Lenny would agree that my spending time cooking dinner is not worth the tradeoff for me skipping makeup.

Lesson #9: This white pants trend is obviously meant for women who no longer have to carry little people with dirty feet.

Lesson #10: Thank you notes don’t seem all that sincere when you forget to mail/deliver them.

Lesson #11: Just when you think a brand new baseball field with a huge scoreboard can’t be more exciting for a bunch of boys, everyone looks up and the score is—get ready for this—7-11.

Lesson #12: My new best friend is the two-year-old sister of a girl in Pink’s ballet class. I don’t care if you call me crazy, because this gem? She calls me Snow White.

Lesson #13: I truly hope there’s never a time that Pink doesn’t find it wildly entertaining to simply admire herself and make faces in the mirror. (Even though, thanks to my new BFF, we know who’s really the fairest of them all…)

Lesson #14: Thank goodness there’s plenty of time for Hallmark to capture Pink’s heartfelt sentiments in a Mother’s Day card for next year. On our way home from preschool the other day, I heard her whisper to her playdate, “My mom’s kinda nice. So-so.”

Lesson #15: I’m also kinda religious. So-so. Because with her brand new birthday paints in full effect, Pink declared a work of art was for “cheeses”. My blank look prompted her to clarify, “You know, like at church!”

Here’s to hoping you’ve been enjoying some laughs of your own this week lately. But no matter what, please remember, Cheeses loves you and so do I!