10 Things I Learned This Week (ish), Vol 158 (ish)

Hello (hello, hello, hello…)! Is anybody out there (there, there, there…)?! Figured I’d dust off the ol’ blog (and ol’ lessons format) and do a little something for those of you who made a resolution to laugh (or read) more this year. But if your resolution was to stop wasting time online, well, I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place.

Lesson #1: The best way to play an hour-long game of UNO is with a kid who insists on singing the whole time. Especially when her only lyrics are, “I am cheating…”

Lesson #2: If you’re tired of the game UNO, Pink has a new game for you. It’s kinda like UNO except you only get two cards and it’s called, wait for it…DOS.

Lesson #3: If Steph Curry mastered the impossible 3-point shot by practicing that — and only that — his entire childhood, the NBA is going to have some amazing recruiting opportunities when Little and his friends grow up.

Lesson #4: If you don’t speak 4-year old, you might be surprised to learn the rough translation for, “Go get dressed!” is, “Go take off all your clothes and wander through the house as you play an original song on the Frozen guitar you have to hold upside down because you’re left handed and we totally overlooked that when buying it.”

Lesson #5: While I’m the kind of person who can’t get enough of the nothing-but-Christmas-music station throughout the holiday season, even I start to lose it when Pink requests Up on the Housetop — on repeat — again come January 5th.

Lesson #7: As the youngest of three kids, Pink’s exposure to the Disney Channel may be a bit excessive. She can sing all the words to both (yes, there are two) Austin & Ally albums, but after catching a bit of Elmo, she says, “Wow, this is so good! Have they come out with Elmo 2 yet?!”

Lesson #8: It’s hard not to take it personally when your kid is the happiest you’ve seen him in 2-1/2 weeks on the day he goes back to school. You know, after being home with you for, well…2-1/2 weeks.

Lesson #9: When you finally catch up on email come January 10th and discover the to-do list you sent yourself on December 10th still hasn’t even been opened, you can’t help but feel a bit smug that you didn’t make organization your New Year’s resolution.

Lesson #10: You can only take your kid’s dramatic monologue about how he never does anything wrong and always get blamed so seriously when he interrupts the conversation to go join his brother and sister in a game of human bowling. (Yes, it’s what it sounds like. And I think you can guess who wanted to be the ball and told the others be the pins.)

Bonus lesson? Writing, not to mention laughing, at ordinary moments is good for the soul. So thanks to all of you who didn’t make it your resolution to quit me this year. (And while you’re here, why don’t you go ahead and subscribe to get emails each time I post just in case Facebook’s algorithms try to tear us apart.)

Happy 2016!