40 Something Going…

…online. Here goes, I’m returning to this blog—copying the pattern I used for my very first post eleven years ago today—after a two-year hiatus. Thanks for your patience! Or, more realistically, for forgetting that I even used to do this whole thing once and being curious or somewhat pleasantly surprised when you spotted this post in your FB feed today.

…on 10. That’s how old Pink is now, and I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to be less mature than she is. (Though I definitely am.) We still hold hands when we walk, giggle when people kiss on TV, and sing along—with feeling—to every Taylor Swift song.

…on 12. That’s how old Little is now, and I’m desperately trying to get him to like me. And, if I’m being honest, he’s a lot more like the girls in junior high who stopped speaking to me with no warning than I’d like.

…on 15. That’s how old Big is now, and since we’ve been “at school” together all year, I can’t help but feel a little like I’m about to start my sophomore year too. We have our hormonally charged moments, but for the most part we like hanging out together. We laugh at memes, discuss driver’s licenses and dream cars, cringe over embarrassing moms, fret about grades, and proudly wear our school gear around town.

…on 28. Yes, I still really think I’m about this age. Especially when I forgo fine wine for a mango White Claw.

…on 40 something plus one. That’s right, today is my birthday and blogiversary all rolled into one, so I’m re-gifting myself time at my keyboard. It’s been a strange year of personal heartbreak and growth. And now that I’m starting to see my larger community again, people often ask if I still blog. I always say no, and try to explain a few of the reasons—mostly so I can understand for myself.

I think it really comes down to the fact that when you have little kids, the gaffs are kind of hilarious. Every day comes with its silly surprises and simple lessons learned. But as your kids get older, there’s a silent shift. It’s not that funny things don’t happen, but they’re a bit more personal—a bit less universal. We see our values and parenting strategies start to play out in the world in big ways, and it feels like differences become more apparent than similarities.

I also feel like—at this point in my parenting career—I should know it all. Or at least a whole lot more of “it” than I did when my kids were younger. But I find that I’m constantly surprised by reality. I’m still learning and growing and establishing what I stand for and helping my kids to do the same thing.

I’m lucky. My story has some really dynamic supporting characters—a loving husband and three pretty spectacular kids, not to mention dear family and friends too. Each is a big part of my journey, but at the same time, these more and more independently minded people didn’t sign up to have their stories written for them. So I’m doing my best to figure out how to write a bit differently. I’ve been a part of an online writer’s workshop for the past year and I’m creating new paths with the support of some really talented, creative women. So there will be more to come. Because there’s no question I have words overflowing from my heart and I’m hoping they’ll have interesting places to land along the way.

Thanks for stopping by, whether this is your first time reading Using Our Words, or your 700th. Here’s to many more.

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Some of my past “Blogiversary” posts in case you want to see have far I’ve come (or how far I’ve fallen behind):

30 Something Going On…

UOW Turns One and I Turn, Well, Older

I Made My Wish

My Three Wishes

Using Our Words Turns 5

A Soul Cycle Celebration

#thisis42